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3 part question?????

Why are mother in laws so horrible to us? Why do our hubbies kiss their a$$ even if they have never been good mothers? And why do both mommy and son expect us to kiss her a$$ too when she has almost wrecked our marriage and been just awful since the day we met her? Yes , this is my MIL and I know a lot of others have the same problem. I don't get it. Why?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Sounds like mine....I dont get it either.....my MIL can crap all over my dh and he still defends her and goes to see her..... I know he will always love her....but isnt there a point where he says I wont take anymore...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Yeah I would think so or at least defend me when she is a b#@$%. But no, he would rather take her side and ignore everything she does just so he wont make her angry. God forbid!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:57 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • i don't have that problem. i look who i was marrying into, not just my hubby but his family as well. they love me for saving their son and making feel good about himself to want to live the straight and narrow path. husband should never take his mothers side. ever. go get therapy so that he will learn that and have his eyes opened. how come even one ask for advice but never think to get therapy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I tell my kids to take a close look at their SO family. But this is where you need to stand up and be counted. Remember the wedding ceremony, "A man shall leave his mother and a women shall leave her home." Hubby needs to show respect first to you and then to mom. To be blunt: be a man and let mom know that you come first...always and forever. If she can't respect that HE'LL have to limit his interactions with her. Setting boundaries is a good thing. If he won't set them, maybe you should come up with your own. (Sorry, this is a pet peeve -- men who can't stand up for the woman they claim to love.)
    WD40

    Answer by WD40 at 7:10 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • First .... mother in laws are horrible to us, because one, we allow them to be; two, they think that we have to deal with their disrespect, and three, because most time they're jealous of us. Why the hubby allows them to get away with it is because, the hubby has more respect for them than we do; two, the hubby isn't the one being disrespected and attacked, and three, the hubby knows that as soon as he holds his mother accountable, she's going to get a reality check as to your being his woman, not her, and most men want to avoid friction. But, that doesn't mean that their mother, has to be our problem. Nip it in the bud.
    SugaB28

    Answer by SugaB28 at 7:26 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You think that's bad? I have heard that a man calls out to his mother on his death bed! The only consolation is - if you have a son, he will kiss your ass. If you don't, you are out of luck. I will also mention that my brother pretty much never kisses my mother's ass and his ass is grass most of the time. Maybe the rest of the guys just don't want crap from their mommies.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 7:48 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Me and hubby had it out over his mother. Anytime she needed something he was running to her. I have never allowed her to treat me with nothing but, respect as I do her. I have made it very clear that I and her son are adults and can make our own decisions without her interference or commentary. The biggest problem she has with me is I don't work but, really how am I supposed to? I have 4.5 kids 2 are special needs my hubby is fulltime Guard and comes and goes whenever "Doody" calls what am I supposed to tell my employer? Sometimes I'll be here sometimes I won't and I won't be giving you any notice. Yea right! But, we mostly agree to disagree and act like civilized adults. When it comes to hubby if he wants to defend mommy he can go sleep in her bed just leave me his debit card and checkbook. And CYA!!!
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 7:55 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You are going to have to go off on her one good time, and as far as your husband, he should stand behind you!! What the hell? Guys need to grow some guts and stick up for their wives... My husband did when I had issues with his mom... Little issues, but he stuck up for me.
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 8:01 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Some MILs think that no woman will ever be good enough for their "baby boy." I got lucky. Mine respects my decitions and LOVES me:) We are super close!
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 8:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I had the MIL from hell...but I didn't have the experience you're talking about. My MIL was involved in our life when we first got together..but it didn't take long to realize anything she gave came with a price, whether it be money, food, or a nice word. Nothing was free, no matter how it looked on the surface. Things reached a breaking point pretty early on, maybe 4 years in, and we cut contact with her for several years. My husband *never* let her walk all over me, always stood on my side, and always took her to task for anything negative she said. I didn't put up with her crap either, though. I stood up for myself.
    In late 2000, my DH and his bro were calling their step dad--and their mom answered the phone. That was the beginning of a reconciliation of sorts, which was good, and lasted until she passed away in 2003 at 54 yrs of age.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 8:58 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

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