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can i get some advice? warning its alot to read.

i really dont kno what to do i have a boyfriend who i been with for 3 yrs now. but about 6 months ago i cheated on him and we ended up working things out and got back together but the thing is , is that i still have very strong feelings for the other guy. and i do love my boyfriend we have a 2yr old son together but i think i love him for that reason our son i dont kno if its the fact that we are 5 yrs apart in age because he is 27 and im only 22 and i feel like my life has jumped to his level. he dont take me out any where and we hardley do anything as a couple yet alone a family really. yeah im only 22 but i am still a kid compared to him. i mean its like he is holding me back from letting me have fun i dont even have my drivers licences. may be i just grew up to fast younger but i dont feel he is giving me the chance to experience life at the age that i am now. alot of the time i feel trapped because i have nowhere to go

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • My sister got into a relationship too young and she started cheating on her husband as soon as she started having the same feelings you are having. They actually seperated for a year before getting back together...but she was out of control for that year. It was like she just rebelled. I am a strong advocate of "working things out" when a child is involved, but you may grow to resent him for making you feel trapped. You don't want to raise a child in that kind of environment. You should try to find time for yourself to get out with girlfriends. Or do what I did, insist that my husband takes me on a date at least once a month...just the 2 of you...no kids.
    Moto-mom

    Answer by Moto-mom at 7:13 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • i do know how you feel, in a way. i am also twenty two and my husband is 27. he was doing the same thing with me, not letting me get to experience the things i felt i deserved. i know we will have bashers on here that will say we made the choice to be parents so its time to grow up, and yes i do agree with that however you still have the right to every once and a while be your age! your a mom, your not dead! you definitely need to explain this to him. what i told my DH was that it wasnt fair to me, because he got to experience 5 yrs worth of stuff that hes trying to make me skip,, and i said it wasnt right and that i wasnt going to lose a chunk of my life that i felt i deserved. you just have to tell him! i have more to say but this thing is going to cut me off. if you want to talk more just message me! i think we can really help eachother being in very similar situations
    Amanduhpanda

    Answer by Amanduhpanda at 7:16 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You need to start doing things on your own; you sound very dependent on him either by choice or because he's made it that way. If you really have feelings for the other guy and not just b/c he's different and represents freedom, work on getting truly free. And having a child does restrict you- you don't get to go out as much; you aren't going to get the chance to be as much of a 22yr old as you like.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Talk to him. Tell him how you feel but don't get into an argument, if it starts to get heated continue it later. Don't say things like, "When you do ... " Say, " I feel like a child because I don't have my Drivers lic..." Don't put him on the offense, but do let him know your true feelings. You do need a date night. It doesn't have to cost money but needs to be time for you two. Don't forget to keep the spice in your relationship either. As far as feeling like a little kid. remember women typically mature faster than men anyways.
    bearcat84

    Answer by bearcat84 at 7:19 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I don't really believe in staying with someone just for the sake of the child, if you clearly know you're not in love with them or happy with them. I also don't believe in having multiple men around my child. So, be careful with that too. Image to children is everything. Take some time to really dig deep and figure who you love, if it's for the right reasons and how you're going to handle those feeling.
    SugaB28

    Answer by SugaB28 at 7:22 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I agree with SugaB28
    njmommy2boys

    Answer by njmommy2boys at 7:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • He's a bf not a h so I'm not seeing where you cheated. You are just finding what you want in life. That's why you are not married to this guy. You are single. See who you want to see. You are young. Enjoy your youth. Meet guys. This bf will always be in your life bc of your child together. Life is short. Enjoy every minute of it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:00 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • i am 21 and Married w/ 2 kids. It does restrict you. We dont get to go out as a couple much at all, but we do a lot of things as a family. And because I am 21..he is 25, but I still feel that every once in a while I do need a night out. Even just a night out with the girls. And I talked to my hubby and he's all for it. But I've never once questioned our relationship. Nor had feeling for anyone else. But I am Married and your not, so if you do have feeling for that other person, maybe you could take a break to see if they are actually feelings that are real or if they are the grass is greener on the other side feelings. If you do decide to leave your bf.. just remember that you child is the most important thing in your life and you do need to think about him. I'm not saying stay with your bf for him because you need to do what is right for him as well, but make sure that the man that you do choose will treat him right..
    atjm0919

    Answer by atjm0919 at 10:37 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • yeah your 22 but you have a child. maybe you should stop complaining about what you think you missed out on. grass aint always greener on the other side and its a lot harder when your raising a kid with someone your split up with. mybe you should tell him you are feeling trapped. maybe you guys could start having a date night or something... why do we alwasy think about leaving aour men before we even talk to them about how we are feeling??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

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