Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

This is a sticky situation, but, I'm not sure how to stop. Does anyone have an sugestions or been in this situation before? HELP!

I've been with my fiance for 2 years. He's a hard worker and provides for my kids and I the best he can. We both play an online game. Through this game, I started talking to someone. It gradually progressed to personal stuff. Neither of us get much sleep because we talk so much. He's in school, I'm a sahm. My fiance doesn't realise I don't go to bed at night. This guy is a LOT younger than I am, I know nothing could ever come of it. I've tried to stop talking to him. Then I get an email that makes me melt and I reply to it, get on YIM, etc. I WANT my fiance to be a more like this guy. I know this isn't a good thing, because I'm starting to back off from my fiance. This guy is everything I want, except for his age. He's smart, funny, etc. I would never take it further than online, and I need to stop with this guy before it permanently ruins my real life relationship.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • You need to take him off of every friends list that he is currently on. Block his email from being sent to your inbox. Anything you have to do. The relationship that is more important to you is obviously the one between you and your fiance. Continuing to have any kind of contact with this guy is only going to cause you more heartache in the end.

    Answer by caelynandcody at 7:37 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I agree with the poster, caelynandcody. It is so easy to believe this guy, he obviously is a smooth one. You have to keep something in mind however, what he is representing himself to be could just be a bunch of lies. You don't know this man and really have no way of verifying everything he is leading you to believe. If there are problems in your relationship with your fiance, then work them out. You stated that your fiance is a hard working man who cares about you and your kids, do you have any idea how rare that is? You have something that most women wish they had. Don't fool yourself into thinking that this guy is better than what you have, your guy spends his days working to provide for his family, this other guy is probably a 40 something loser who lives with his parents and doesn't work, otherwise he wouldn't be able to stay up all night talking to you! Use your common sense before you lose a good man.

    Answer by hibicent at 7:45 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Everything is always great at first. Even when you first met your fiance he was like that i'm sure...Then it started to wear down. Your just going to have to see the reality of it. Your a grown woman he is a kid still. I'm sure if you were to actually get with him and stay with him he would annoy you and it would also wear down just like it has with your fiance. Your just going to have to stop talking to him. Make yourself and start envying the fact that your fiance isn't like him because the truth is...Everyone seems super great at first and they make you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach...But that's not lasting. Love and comittment is lasting and start being thankful you have that. Quit taking your fiance for granted and realize this is a crush and your having feelings for this guy and he seems great but it's not how real life is and you know it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:47 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Every man tries to charm and impress women at first and it always seems greater than it is. That's how they win us over! My DH was the sweetest mort caring sensitive guy that I could relate to....Until I married him lol....See it for what it really is!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • He seems so amazing because he is only letting you know what he wants you to know. If you are talking to him online, it could be anyone, and they could be lying about everything. Even if he is not lying, he is probably no more amazing than your fiance was when you first met. Things happen, bills, kids, and the stresses of life, and everythings not so fairytale anymore. Look at the big picture, try not focusing on the frilly stuff... :) Good luck!

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 7:57 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • He's not 40 something, we cam sometimes, fully clothed of course. And, he's a LOT younger than me. Almost 10 years younger. I've blocked him from everything, he just makes new accounts. I know it's just fantasy, but I'm not sure he thinks of it that way. It's like.. there's something about him I just can't give up. And yeah, I KNOW I'm lucky to have my fiance. He loves me. We've been through a lot together, including 4 lost pregnancies, issues with my family, and issues with my exhusband. I'm KNOW I need to stop the online thing with this guy. I just don't know how.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • It's not easy to let go of online relationships once they hook you. Been there. Done that. They seem perfect bc they are online and not real life. Once they turn into reality then they suck just as bad as other relationships. (ok, suck might be an over statement but reality does change things) Accept it for what it is. I have a group for cyber affairs. They can rule your life if you let them

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:58 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • You don't know that this guy is any of these great things. You are projecting your fantasy onto him. Don't let him take you away from your fiance. It is not real. You will regret it. No doubt this online guy has done this with other women too. Don't get sucked in. An online relationship is mostly fantasy. It's almost like a romance novel come to life. Every situation I've heard of this type of thing has come to nothing. Pull yourself away. The fact that he keeps pursuing you through any obstacle you throw in front of him is also a sign of someone with an obsessive personality. If your fiance knew about this he'd be really upset. This guy is like a drug that you need to get away from.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 8:09 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • I have already added an answer, but read something that I had to reply to. To the original poster: You stated that you have tried to cut him off, but he keeps creating new accounts to contact you. This is NOT a good sign. That is bordering on (if not already there) a stalker mentality. We as women have to be very, very careful. Men who will stalk someone online will also do that off-line. That is a trait of an abusive personality. Most abusers are really, really smooth talkers until they've got you. And then they "shed their skin", so to speak. I've been down that road and would hate to see someone fall into that. I'm not saying that you are letting it get to that point, but just be very careful.

    Answer by caelynandcody at 8:10 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

  • Ummmmmmmmmmm.. He's also on the internet... he could be a child molester.. Heck he could be playing the game from a jail cell.. How in the world would you know? The internet is perfect for this type of scenerio... It's all so anonymous.... Stop now.

    Answer by pupmom at 8:15 PM on Oct. 8, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.