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I love my SO...

But the more I think about it, the less I want to be with him. He's a wonderful man, but can't seem to deal with my son. He is a crazy three year old, who may have inherited emotional disorders. (This is not his biological child.) I keep thinking about how much better we'd be on our own, how much we could do, where in the world we could go. I don't want my son to be fatherless, this is the only man he has ever known as a father and loves him dearly. I don't want to be selfish. My SO has never been violent, but is harsh on my son- spanks him, grabs him up hard, and has even threatened him with the belt. Any advice?

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Annabel1809Lee

Asked by Annabel1809Lee at 9:31 PM on Aug. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,872 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • honestly I would not tolerate anyone treating my son like that no matter who it is
    onemellowmom

    Answer by onemellowmom at 9:35 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Well have you talked to your SO about how uncomfortable his harsh discipline makes you? Maybe he thinks it's okay
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 9:36 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • I've talked about it with him, his excuse is always "I don't know what else to do." or "His behavior is simply unacceptable." He's three- he gets mad and stomps off, throws tantrums, tells us he hates us. I use the naughty chair, taking away privileges and toys, and explaining why things are not appropriate behavior. You can't expect a three year old to act like a ten year old! (Although I am planning on having him evaluated by a child psychologist, just to be safe.)
    Annabel1809Lee

    Comment by Annabel1809Lee (original poster) at 9:39 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • If you can get your SO to stop his behavior your relationship can probably continue just be clear about how serious you are. If you plan on leaving him for this tell him that, explain that if it doesn't stop you're leaving
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 9:39 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • My son has autism. When I started dating after my divorce, it was very important to me how the man treated him. If he could not handle and/or respect my son, he was not the man for me.
    I would rather my son have only me than someone who will not treat him as he deserves as a father figure.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:40 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Whatever is best for the child. If he is being hurt by the harsh treatment, then the way is clear. Is being "fatherless" worse than being treated in a way that you do not approve of.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:43 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • First I would talk to him about his harsh behavior with your son. Taking him away from your son will hurt everyone.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 9:44 PM on Aug. 22, 2010

  • Do what I did with my SO and my ex- tell them to shape up or get the heck out of your life. You are the mother, you are the one who is in charge, and if he can't accept that, then it's best he just moved on and got a new life.

    If he doesn't have kids, then you are better off without him, sorry but he should know a little bit about raising kids (neices, nephews, etc) and if he doesn't, he'll never learn, and your son doesn't need to be his test doll..

    It is better to be alone and miserable than have your child being treated like he's not loved by your SO.
    MomtoMichael2

    Answer by MomtoMichael2 at 1:00 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Nobody should treat a child like that no matter what. You're already telling yourself that you would be better on your own. Despite the fact that he is the only father figure he knows. Your child should come first.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:03 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

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