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school concerns

I'm extremely nervous for this new school year to start because my daughter (12) and son (9) got into a ton of trouble last year. What can I do or say to help the kids make right choices at school? For example my son will come right out and say mean things to kids he doesn't like,or he'll goof off in class when he needs to do his work. The teachers last year had to drag my stubborn kid to the office,and he's also thrown temper tantrums, really bad ones like tipping his desk over. My daughter does almost the same thing accept she will be a witch to people she hates or doesn't want anything to do with and she doesn't seem to see how she behaves. Then she hates the teacher or whoever has to correct her. I've TRIED really HARD to tell my kids how they should act and have consequences for their bad choices. But I would love nothing more than to have a smooth school year with no phone calls home about my kids being trouble makers.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Aug. 23, 2010 in

Answers (11)
  • Have you had them tested for ADD/ADHD/etc.? If consequences aren't helping to make behavioral changes, I would start looking into the reason behind the outbursts. Good luck to you, hope you have an uneventful school year.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:39 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • They sound a bit ADD. Have they been diagnosed with anything or has it been ruled out?? Therapy for sure because they have some issues that need to be resolved. I can't believe they would act out like this for no apparent reason. You need to findout what's going on before you can take steps to correct it.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:44 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Is he acting out to get attention? Are his friends a bad influence or support for the inappropriate behavior.If it were me I'd really get strict, not that you aren't, I don't know.But! Sit them both down and say here it is.. With EACH inappropriate act you hear about or see they will lose something.TV, friends, alone time, computer time, IPOD, the door on your bedroom, (anything you can think of that matters).Also add extra chores, washing floors, laundry, scrubbing cat boxes or trash cans, washing sidewalks, carpets, walls, dishes by hand, clean out the fridge, wash toilets, windows, etc..Then to get any of those privileges back, they have to earn them.They get them when YOU say they are back one at a time.I know of a dad that walked their kids to their lockers and first classroom.The child got picked up from school and sat at work until they went home.Each day there was a room inspection.YOU are the parent and in charge.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 10:51 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I agree with the ladies who answered before me, have them tested for ADD. and def. use the reward and punishment method. taking away things they like if they act up. but rewarding them with extra things when they behave.. lifes-A-Dance offered great points on what to take away. so I won't repeat that, but I would like to ad the reward system. : if their first day goes well, then reward them with extra time on their video game.. then week by week. if their entire week was good, then give each of them five dollars, ( or whatever)
    make a chart , write their names, and then put and X for each bad behaviour ( 2 X's for extremely bad) and a check for good behaviour. tell them the checks take away the X's ( as good deeds erase the bad deeds) and if by the end of the week they dont' have any X's left. they get rewarded. if they have X's then for every X their will be a punishment.. and so on.
    stand your ground. You're the mom
    proud2bmom3

    Answer by proud2bmom3 at 10:59 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Have you tried letting them work toward something that they really want? Have them fill out charts with stickers or put a certain amount of money in a jar daily as they work toward their goal. I suggest making the goals short term to start with, say a week and they get a trip to the dollar store, then after they have achieved that goal, work toward something bigger each time.
    cleanaturalady

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 11:35 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Just because a child could have ADD or ADHD, does not mean they are disfunctional and defiant. They aren't the children that are in trouble all of the time. If you notice they have a hard time paying attention, even to the things they like to do, it could be a consideration. Your child's teachers should/would be able to notice a need in that area almost right away because of their age. It amuses me that adults immediately go to the learning disabilities of ADD or ADHD. That is why so many children are misdiagnosed and over medicated. Don't get me wrong, there are children who NEED the medication to function and learn. But it can be a fix all when a child is having difficulty.

    The sticker chart isn't something that is going to work on a 12 and 9 year old. Maybe for an older preschooler or very early elementary age child.

    Talk to the school counselor if old habits show their ugly heads this year. See help.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 12:03 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I just want to say, since I ran out of room earlier, you sound like a good mom. A concerned parent that wants their children to succeed. Hang in there, find help for your kids and be strong. MAKE them understand YOU love them and are in control. They are children, not adults. They aren't old enough to make their own decisions. Don't give up!! They are worth the effort and fight to get them on the right path.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 12:04 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • i would get them some counseling and force the issue on them, if that doesn't help i would def send them to boot camp, it will only get worse if you don't get this taken care of now.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 12:57 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I think you have gotten some ideas already. I just wanted to say THANK YOU for being realistic about your kids and being willing to help them!
    beanielips

    Answer by beanielips at 9:04 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • They could have ADHD, Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. And then again they could also have food allergies. I saw a show on Oprah years ago that had children who were out of control, always getting in trouble,etc. and they all had food allergies.
    sarchasmic_1

    Answer by sarchasmic_1 at 5:02 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

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