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Wish to get a divorce, but dont have the money, been trying to make this marriage work now for 16 years in Nov...just have had enough fighting, want to have peace, kids are in highschool now and dream of a peaceful life with friends and kids, and a church that I choose, to finally live my life instead of living his. adult content

Husband spends no time with me, up at 4am...goes to work out comes home and showers and leaves just as I am getting up at 5am, think he does this on purpose, I go to work by six, he comes home around 6:30 or 7 or so..eats and then go's to bed by 8:15 or 8:30..might kiss me before bed or before work. Havent had sex in probably 6 or 7 months...he cant, so he just doesnt care to get pills because he would have to go to the dr. I have lived with this since we had our honeymoon. Was 5 0r 6 times a month when we first got married...but the past 3 or 4 yrs it has gotten down to 2 or 3 times a year.

Answer Question

Asked by Bornagain50 at 11:08 AM on Aug. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Why not just seperate from him? Its not that hard and you would be happier until you could afford a divorce. My parents have been seperated for 19 yrs.

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 11:12 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Have you looked into doing the divorce yourself? The paperwork should be available at your local courthouse, in Michigan it is only $250 to file.

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 11:13 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I'd say at least move out on your own if you can afford that and be in a happier enviorment with your kids. Let hubby be on his own maybe he'd be happier too. Just being apart might be the 1st step to getting into a divorce. Good luck.

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 11:21 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Well, or you could try to find peace within yourself and just stop arguing.

    You are operating with the hilariously mistaken impression that it not only is possible to change someone else (or their mind) but that it is your job to do it. You're wrong. It doesn't matter what he believes --or what he does-- and you don't have to argue about it.

    Go to the church you choose, spend time with your friends as you choose. It may not have become obvious over the years, but you are not required to live his life with him, he has to do that and you have your own to live. Being married doesn't make you clones or siamese twins.

    Men are not immune to the effects of a contentious, contemptuous relationship --he doesn't want to have sex with you because it's unattractive to be intimate with someone who is so critical, so argumentative, so disrespectful... you see the point. Doesn't matter who did it 1st.

    You are free to get up at 4am, yes?

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:28 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I say talk to him about it, try coming to a conclusion. Make time for yourself to do as you want to do with friends, church, etc.. Explain to him about sex still being an important part of your life and see if the two of you can come to a conclusion about it. Try taking time out for yourself to make you happy and if you still feel like you cant, then yes it is time to move on and tell him this. Let him know that you are ready to do the walk away from him and maybe this will be an eye opener and if not, it may just be that the both of you have changed and you do deserve to be happy. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do...

    Answer by sippincoffee at 11:32 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Girl, your marriage is in trouble! It seems that your waiting for him to make a change or initiate any resolve. More importantly, why did you wait 3-4yrs to realize you only have sex 2-3 times a year? You should of stepped up and said something when the frequency level dropped. Not his fault for you indirectly agreed to this change by your lack of action. What else has changed in your life together? Did you gain weight, spend more time with the kids, etc.? More importantly, have you thought about how a divorce will affect your kids beyond your own personal reasons? Before considering the D word, you need to really try and sit down this weekend and talk to him. Throw him in a room and make him talk to you, if he doesn't then tell him what you really feel, need and want if things don't change! Now, go do the right thing!

    Answer by NikkiVan1 at 11:49 AM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • If you still love him, then get a lover on the side because it doesn't sound like he can be fixed. You'll be happy, he'll have no preasure. The home will be stable and everyone be comfortable. Just do it honestly.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 1:55 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Separation

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 4:46 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Thank you all for your feedback, Sometimes I just feel sooo alone, Have one sister left, and she is having many troubles at work, and I don't wish to be another concern for her. Have been sleeping in my eldest daughters room now for 3 nights. Kids don't think much about it as I have done it off and on past three years since my daughter went to college.(Husband snores loud, and have done it when I miss my girl).Taking sipping coffees advice...Wish me luck, as this is my second marriage, and really wanted to stay in marriage thru kids years in school ( First husband was childhood sweetheart 10 yrs, he was cheating, kind of went the other way..Huh?)


    Comment by Bornagain50 (original poster) at 1:19 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

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