Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

How can I make my GF understand?

Sherry and I have been together for 7 years. THe last three of which we have been trying to conceive in vitro. I am so tired of trying. I want a baby in the worst way, but Sherry is unwilling to carry the baby for us, even though she would have better luck. I have PCOD. I just don't understnad why she can't do this for us, or why she's so unwilling to adopt.
Why can't we just go to China like other lesbian couples do lol?

Answer Question

Asked by 2kidsandameep at 2:01 PM on Aug. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • It says a lot for a relationship when 1 is willing to do all and the other isn't willing. She doesn't sound very supportive.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:02 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • she wants her OWN child and even if it takes a few more years it may mean more to her. of it doesnt work in another 2 years try to talk her into adoption again.

    Answer by cassie_m at 2:03 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I say if she wants the baby as badly as you do then she should try and carry it as well. It seems very selfish to me for only one to be opted in as the carrier. :(

    You need to sit her down and explain to her that her unwillingness to try other options is hurting you not only emotionally but physically because you are going through so much with the in vitro.

    Good luck and if she doesn't understand or try to think of other options then maybe it is time to postpone trying to conceive right now. :)

    Answer by Memigen at 2:07 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • It would defidently make me think twice about things. Sounds like she doesn't have the enthusiasm that you do at wanting to have a child. Make the best of things for now, maybe her mind will change later on in time.

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 2:07 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Maybe it's best if you stop trying. It's almost as if I'm reading exhaustion and fatigue in your words. Whatever her reasoning's, maybe some relationship counselling or independent counselling could help work this issue out. It looks like selfishness on the surface but I wonder if it's fear, that she's not willing to carry or adopt. Either way it sounds like you two are not communicating well. So a break from trying would give you a change to build up your relationship and hopefully, reduce stress levels, which I'm sure you know, the more you stress, the harder it is to conceive. Good Luck.


    Answer by isabellalecour at 2:13 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Have you spoke to her about how you feel about this? It sounds to me that you and Her aren't on the same page and trying to have a child without being on the same page isn't the greatest way to start things out when you all want to parent together. I would explain to her how you feel about all of this, don't leave anything out. Tell her straight out how you feel about the way she is being VERY SELFISH...........

    Answer by raemommy at 2:13 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • That's completely selfish on her end. Tell her you're tired. if she really loves you, she will respect that.

    Answer by ourbabykins at 2:28 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • What is her reasoning for not wanting to carry your baby?A relationship is based on compromise.If I were you I'd re-evaluate your relationship.Hope everything goes your way.It's a wonderful thing to carry a living , breathing baby inside of you.She would really be losing out!!!

    Answer by bvannkissy at 3:21 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Are you sure she wants a baby as much as you do? You could very well carry a child, but I know how hard it is for you to get pregnant.

    Answer by michelle121003 at 7:54 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.