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Should I worry?

My boyfriend has been in a funk for over a month, because he has been evaluating his life and has determined that he isn't where he wants to or thought he'd be at this stage. He wanted to join the military (his dream job), but was rejected because of prior medical issues that made him unable to serve. Since then, he's been bummed about life, and it has been most noticeable in the last month.He's working a retail job he hates and complains about it often. In the last month he has not been very affectionate at all..not hugging or kissing me as often, not saying I love you without me saying it first...and we haven't been intimate. It's like he's not only questioning his career but everything in his life. I should mention that this is the second time we have dated. We have dated before, rushed that relationship, and because we weren't ready for more serious things, it fell apart. We have a 16 month old together. During our breakup

 
countrygirl1987

Asked by countrygirl1987 at 4:39 PM on Aug. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (364 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • maybe
    regian19832002

    Answer by regian19832002 at 7:13 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I would tell him that I am removing myself from his life until such time as he decides what he wants and where he wants to go. He may be depressed over the recent events, but none of them is your fault. I think the best chance you have to have a life with him is to let him experience life without you. If he misses you enough, he will come around. If he doesn't, then you will not have wasted any more of your time. You do have a child to think about in all this, and I would want to be sure that the child was taken care of and that her dad stayed involved in her life. He needs to be forced to decide what he wants, and you don't need to be in a position to be blamed for his not finding out. There are some very troubling signs in his behavior, and if I were you, I would want to know exactly where I stood. I would not want to be having to guess what he is thinking.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:52 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • i don't care what kind of feelings they have towards each other. you are suppose to be his best friend the go to person to talk too and share intimate feelings and desires. he is emotionally cheating on you. when he starts to feel that she is the better person to talk too then his value for you is dropping. i would strongly suggest he gets another job far away from this job location. good thing you guys are not married. i hope i haven't upset you but i would never allow my husband to talk with another chic about his job issues or close hurtful feelings that are in his inner most recesses of his being. thank god i have a husband who knows that is a no no and can talk to me about anything.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:10 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • For three months last summer, he hung out once with a co-worker who he had talked to occasionally. She invited him out with a group of friends and other co-workers, but nothing happened.They became friends, and both have told me that they have just friendly feelings for each other at the moment.I am also friends with her and know for a fact she is not interested in him.However, he has been talking to her more lately (she said she thinks he just needs a friend to vent to)...he only has 2 close friends and they are both work friends, and admitted to me yesterday that he thinks he had a crush on her when we were broken up because she was really nice to him and he was lonely. What I am wondering is if I should let the fact that he admitted he had a crush on her, combined with the fact that they are talking more now, and that he isn't being as affectionate with me because of the stress, affect the relationship.Does it sound like I
    countrygirl1987

    Comment by countrygirl1987 (original poster) at 4:42 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Have anything to worry about?
    countrygirl1987

    Comment by countrygirl1987 (original poster) at 4:42 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • you should ask him. he might just have to much on his plate to realize that he is treating you differently.
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 4:44 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I would worry a little
    janieishappy

    Answer by janieishappy at 4:44 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I've mentioned to him that he is treating me differently, and he tells me he is not intentionally trying to treat me that way.When I suggest maybe breaking up because it would be better for us, he says he does not want to.
    countrygirl1987

    Comment by countrygirl1987 (original poster) at 4:45 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Sounds like he needs to find a better job. When we first got married dh worked in retail as well. He hated it. Was always in a mood when he came home. It was not fun at all. He then found a job in construction, working with his hands, and things have been great ever since. His whole attitude changed. Five years later he now has his own business and is very happy. Anyway, what I am saying, I do not think that you have anything to worry about. Be there for him. Let him know if he needs someone to vent to that you can be that person, he doesn't have to turn to someone else. Try not to be negative toward him about his attitude. He is already stressed and in a bad mood so most likely if you bring it up (as in nagging about it) he will feel like he can't talk to you about it.
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 4:48 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • If she is becoming a good listener for his problems, she could also be persuasive in helping him sort out his true feelings and hopefully that won't be a deterrent in stearing him in the wrong direction. It really depends upon how influential she will become if he spends any great deal of time with her. You don't want this other person to manipulate his feelings into her best interest.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 4:50 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

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