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6 Bumps

Could you let your BF of 3 years, tell you that your son can't see his dad?

I'm in a spot. I'm torn. I was with a man for 9 years. We had broken up for 2-3 months, in that time he was sleeping around on me. I thought we were truly done. So I started to date again. I had a friend from HS, we had a one night stand. Just sex, I know bad. Well, turns out that one night I got preg. He called me and told me about it. and said he didn't want any kids. I told him fine But I was not going to abort. I was 3 months preg. And I talked ot my X about everything that had happened. He wanted me back, and I wanted him back too. He was there for the birth of my on, signed the BC, and raised our little boy until he was 4. We broke up, this time for good. He got 3 years in jail. I couldn't deal with it again. That was why we broke up. Fast forward to today. I got a message that my X wants to see his son. But my SO says that is not his dad. His Bio wants nothing to do with him. I want my son to see his dad.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Aug. 23, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (14)
  • Well he's not really his dad right. I think if he has no biological relation to your son I would keep him away from the man. he's obviously made some bad choices if he wound up in jail and for 3 years! Do you really want that kind of an influence in your sons life?

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 5:02 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • nope no matter what i would let him see him. with supervision.

    Answer by lambdarose at 5:05 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Do you want a future with your current SO or your felon of an ex?! Because that's what it's going to come down to! Your SO is likely trying to protect your son, that he has become attached to, and doesn't want him to get hurt....which is commendable.

    Remind yourself WHY your ex is your ex, and then ask yourself WHY your current SO's opinion doesn't seem to matter to you! If your SO doesn't want you to bring your son to see his bio-dad, it is going to cause a rift between you. Is it worth weakening or losing your relationship with your SO, for a man who has not been a positive or reliable father thus far?! In the end you may be left without either.

    My advice--be grateful for what you DO have, and focus on the present.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 5:05 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Does your son remember him or ask about him? If not i would not confuse the child for the wants of adults. The child NEEDS stability and formiliar things, you and your ex just WANT him to see him.

    If the child does want to see him and remembers him and is old enough leave it up to the child. It's him this is about isnt it?

    the other question i have to ask though is why is the guy in jail? If it is something violent or drug related then i would say NO period.

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 5:07 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Tough one for you. Frankly your SO has no say and should back off. It isn't his child. If thsi man has raised your son and calls him Daddy..he should see him unless there is a safety risk.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:08 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • biological or not, your ex is his Dad. It would be unfair to deny your son his father. Your new SO needs to be understanding of the fact that you are a Mother trying to do whats best for your son.
    With that said, you need to answer for YOURSELF if that is really what is best for your son. He doesnt sound like the best role model and when he made the decision to commit whatever crime, he knew that there was a chance he would miss out on seeing his son grow up. He took that chance.
    Also...does your new SO take on "fatherly" roles with your Son? If so, he may feel hurt that he has been in your lives for 3 years and you dont consider his presence enough for your son....

    Answer by jenellemarie at 5:13 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • If he signed the birth certificate, he is legally his son. Your SO might not have a leg to stand on.
    Besides, this is NOT his decision. It's yours. No, the ex isn't biologically the father, but neither is the SO. YOU have the say of who is in your son's life, not your SO.
    Seems to me like the SO might have some control issues.

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:25 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Not a chance in hell! If that child is not going to be in danger by seeing his father, he has ever right to see him when he chooses too. Being someone who wasn't permitted to see her father simply because of issues between my parents, I spent a lot of time as an adult trying to find and meet him and my siblings, only to find out that he had passed... NEVER deny your child his parent! It's just wrong and it will cause more issues in time than allowing them to see one another will now!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 6:48 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Nope.

    Answer by tasches at 7:52 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • My husband tried to tell me that except that my husband is our son's LF, my husband adopted my son when he was 3. The BF took off and didn't show any interest. A few years ago he tried to show interest, I let my son visit him and his family but, it never went anywhere. If your son was close to his dad and knows of him I would allow a relationship between them. It is not really your S/O's part to tell you that your son can't see his dad. It will not hurt your son to have a father, bio or not, in his life. In today's age blood doesn't matter to many men and they life their non-bio children. This man is on your son's BC, he is your son's dad, in some states he can go to court and get court ordered visitation especially if he can prove they had a healthy relationship before he went to jail. Jail doesn't make some one bad, hopefully he has changed. NTM, if you died tomorrow, your son would go to his dad. Good luck! :)

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:44 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

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