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5 Bumps

Unhappy marriage

what would you do if you have been married for 5 years and your husband is verbally abusive and an alcoholic and you have one child together would you try to work it out or would you find a way to leave


Asked by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Aug. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • I agree with butterflyblue19. Counseling first if at all possible. All marriages go through rough times when you may wonder if it's worth it. Often if you work through the problems you can make a marriage good that you may have thrown away.....

    On the other hand, if he's being abusive, and he is an alcoholic, I wouldn't stay unless he was willing to get some serious help. Your child needs to see a healthy relationship, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

    Good luck, and I hope things get better.

    Answer by ohwrite at 5:45 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • There isn't really anything to work out until he decides to address his alcohol and anger problems.

    Answer by Syphon at 5:46 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • ok all these ladys on here have very good points. but i have been were u are right now my husband was laid off of work and became a alcoholic and he was angry all the time. one time i found him with a shot gun in his mouth ready to kill himself. he was in a bad place and i later found out the cheated on me. so i can understand what u feel i have 2 boys myself. u need to ask ur self is he worth the pain and hell u have been through and are going to go through. i take hard work and lost of yelling to get someone out of the hole they are in. if u really think things can work out u need to make it clear to him u can and will leave but he need to change if he wants u and ur child to stay. write letters, make a goal plane and u may even think about moving. a change in atmospher is and can be a good thing it worked for me my husband and i have never been happyer. just make sure ur safe most of all...

    Answer by jimenez123415 at 5:55 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I would leave because five years is enough time I would waste no more time being unhappy because I have done it in the past and waiting for them to change while you waste away to nothing but a stpineless pile of yourself is hard to do. After you have to pick yourself up and make a new life for yourself make a plan and follow through decide if it is worth it to stay and if you have had enough sit down and make a plan for where yourself in a couple months and go from there is it hard yes but you can do it. Also plan some counseling for yourself I did and it helped me greatly. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:46 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Healthy relationships require team work and communication. If your husband refuses to work on your problems together--including seeing a marriage counselor or alcohol addiction specialist, then you have to decide if this is the life you want or not. IF it's not the life you want you have options.

    Just curious though, did your husband drink a lot and get verbally abusive when you were dating, or are you just getting tired of it? I ask, because often times we ignore potential red flags when we're in love. :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 5:50 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • depends how long have you been trying to work it out? is it still worth it to you? will he actually change? is it worth it for your child to grow up with that?

    Answer by cassie_m at 5:42 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • If he were being verbally abusive and had a drinking problem, I would ask him to get help and if he didnt then he would get an ultimatum, either you go fix yourself or we leave until you can be the husband/father that you need to be.

    Answer by sippincoffee at 5:45 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Counseling and then leave.

    Answer by ToriBabe1221 at 5:46 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Tell him he either gets help or the kid and I are gone.

    Answer by countryspun at 5:50 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Your husband needs help, and if I were you, I would do everything in my power to help him get it. I think marriage is worth that effort. If his family knows he drinks, ask them to help you. There's no need for you to keep this a secret and you should not have to handle this alone. You simply tell them that your husband has a problem and you know he needs help, that you want to help him but you don't know just how to go about that. Your marriage can be saved, and I pray that it will be.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:51 PM on Aug. 23, 2010