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How do you live your life?

My husband works and goes to school...but really, once he leaves the house he does whatever he wants to during the day...no matter how long it takes, or going wherever he wants to go. Me and the kids are at home for the most part. We all go grocery shopping together about once a week and church on Sundays....but that's it. He has a couple hobbies that he spends upwards of 10 hours a week out and about doing and also researches it at home anytime he's on the comp etc.
Is this normal? How much time does your husband spend at home? When he goes somewhere does it bother you if he spends ADDITIONAL hours going to wherever he wants to go, doing whatever he wants to do?
I feel like i'm living a totally seperate life from my husband and he comes hom when he wants to.

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CABlonde

Asked by CABlonde at 11:13 PM on Aug. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,134 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • my SO works overnight so while i sleep hes at work, whiles hes sleeping, i do what i need to do - go to the gym, go to familys house, etc. or i just stay home with or son.. he gets home at 7 am and im still sleeping so while im still sleeping he will get himself a breakfast sandwhich, stop by his parents house, go to the bank or whatever he needs to do. if we are both awake, not at school or work, we are usually always together. rarley will we be off doing something on by ourselves, occasionally, but rarley.
    in a week he starts school, he will go to school right after work until 12, come home and go to bed, i will go to school starting sep. 8 evening classes from 6pm until 8:30, get home and he will leave for work.. so we will have even less time together.
    but yeah, if i was you - i would not be happy about that. especially not if he doesnt give you time to go off and do your personal hobbies by yourself.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:18 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • You sound as if you are feeling trapped in your life. Maybe you need to do something just for you. Take a class at a local college or YMCA on a subject you have always wanted to know about. Take Zumba or yoga lessons. Do you have a hobby? It won't bother you so much that your husband is gone if you have something all your own.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 11:19 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • YES! I'm right there with you. I always have the kids and he'll get up on the weekends when he doesnt have to work and say he's going over to his dads and Ill text him like 4 hours later and he's like oh we went to such and such place to look at hunting stuff (like 3 towns away) and Im like umm ok thanks for letting me know? We go grocery shopping together and one night a week we'll go out to eat and do something and other thatn that Im at home with the kids all the time. I mean I have my own vehicle but with a 4yo and 6 month old you dont wanna get out and do too much by yourself.
    misspriss_1987

    Answer by misspriss_1987 at 11:19 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • my huband does road construction and i am home all week with our kids (no car) and some weekends he comes home showers then leaves yea its a bit upsetting, hes not cheating i know that, but i would like to spend time with him or just get away from the kids i do the shopping by my self useally cause its my time alone, i think everyone should have time to themselves
    navywifemomkoch

    Answer by navywifemomkoch at 11:21 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • well this was becoming a problem in our household after my son was born 3yrs ago...but i talked to him about it...and he was like ok i'll start spending time with you and staying home more...but that dnt happen...until i stared making plans with my family and friends...i would get my mom to watch our son while i go hang out with the ladies...oh he didnt like that ...and i made it my buzz to get in the house after he did...sometimes i'll be just sitiing over my sister house watching tv with her..but it drove him crazy not to see me in the house when he got home....Things sure change then....now we make date night a success...and another thing i do is buy us tickets to places...such as plays... movies....comedy show etc....so that locks both of us in for that date on the tickets...ALL in ALL jus talk to him and tell him how u feel...now u may have to tell him more than once...bcuz u know how men are....LOL....GL Sweetie
    TezMoM

    Answer by TezMoM at 11:26 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Well my DH has to work long hours sometimes. He's an architect and he has his own business so that depends on how much work he has to do and how much work his assistants can do. That means he can be working up to 16 hours a day for a month and then work for 4-5 hours a day the next month.

    But he is at home as much as he can. He's a VERY involved parent. He does have hobbies but so do I. He goes out with his friends while I'm with the kids but he gives me time for myself while he's with the kids.

    The good thing is we have mutual friends- our best friends are a couple in our bulding and his sister with her DH who live right across the street so even when we're with friends, we're together.
    pipermomofash

    Answer by pipermomofash at 11:34 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • NO- it is Not Normal & more than that it is Very Inconsiderate for him to do that to you- My Ex-Husband used to do that to me all of the time & would tell me he would be home at a certain time & then come in whenever! It was the worst feeling in the world & i swore i would never put up with that from anyone again- My kids are grown now, but my husband still calls if he is running late; we do our own things sometimes but, it is a mutral agreement- All Mommy's need some time for their self sometimes; a hobby shouldn't be on the top of your husband's list- You & your Kids should be- He is being Very Selfish! You need to tell him how you feel- Hopefully, he will make some changes! Wishing you Lots of Luck- Take Care
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 11:35 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • i know how your feeling and you should tell him how you feel and try to have date nights and do more things together. i don't know what changed for me but my hubby and i have been home together more then before. it's great i love it. maybe cause he thinks he will get sex but i back out as i'm always tired with the baby and all.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:50 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • We both kind of live separate lives during the school year. For the summer I was home with the baby while he worked, but he's pretty good about being home at a reasonable hour since he makes dinner, but once the baby's in bed, I'm upstairs on my computer and watching my TV and he's downstairs on his computer watching his TV. So I understand how you feel. When we're both working it's even worse because it's the brief amount of time we have with the baby when we both get home before the baby goes to bed (around 8:30). I don't have any answers, just letting you know you're not the only one.
    amw529

    Answer by amw529 at 12:03 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • ON Tuesday DH has his Masonic Meeting (6pm- as late as 10pm).. Sometimes during the week he has to go & study with his Mason brothers, but that is only a few times a month unless something important, then its more... Recently he got a new job where he is off Fridays & has taken up fishing with friends. So he is usually gone all morning until as late as 4pm doing that. He usually helps mow & tend the Masons lodge on saturday (he tried to get it done before we wake up though!)
    Other than that he is working or at home with us. At home he likes to play video games alot though, unless I have something planned for us..
    If I would find myself hobbies outside of the house, he would support me on it & be happy for me- as long as it did not mess with Tuesday! And believe me, I wish I could get the courage to do! Just so he understands. But im wayyy to shy :(
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 12:47 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

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