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Is it hubby or is it just me???

A few monthes ago I got angry at husband and totally lost control of my temper. Ever since I can remember we have been in debt and we've been married 22 years. Believe it or not, all of the debt is his--I don't use credit cards. Ever since my infamous blowup, husband has not been the same. He has "built a fortress around himself" as he says. We no longer sleep together and he withholds affection from me now. What I want to know is: Was I wrong to get angry at him or is he overreacting? I hope I gave enough information--this question has been haunting me since that toxic blowup last May with husband.

I don't need a long paragraph of advice; I just want to know the answer to the question, if possible. Please help.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Aug. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • depends on what was said!!
    anfisasmommy

    Answer by anfisasmommy at 11:34 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • I suppose it all comes down to what you said.
    You could have "blown up" and just got things out.
    Or you could have "blown up" and said some horribly hurtful things.

    Only you know.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 11:30 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Every relationships has hard times. I bet he will eventually get over it. Money problems are tough on marriages. I think men have their time of the month also!..lol Seriously...I bet he will get over it. I don't think you were in the wrong.
    queen.bee

    Answer by queen.bee at 11:31 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • perhaps when you are willing to admit fault in the blowup he can take down the walls he fells he needs to protect himself. make sure to follow up by communicating what your needs are
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:32 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • i think he is being spiteful or just that maybe you really made him feel emasculated. after all he is suppose to be the provider and you brought him down a notch. oops sorry long paragraph. i have the same problem with my husband but i find nagging him doesn't change or blowing up at him. i recently found my husband withdrawing money from the walmart card which i thought i had paid off. no wonder his credit is less then 500 where mine is almost 792. he is hurting mine and were always broke but try to see the good side in him and tell him what you do appreciate. somethings about a man you just have to learn to live with as you can't change a man. they have to be accepted for who they are but it hard to accept what they do. i know how you feel but just think this is worse. so you have to balance out the battles. good luck
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:33 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Apologize, and get into counseling.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 11:33 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • It sounds to me like if you have put up with 22 years of debt, the blow up has been a long time coming. I imagine you've already tried talking to him, and reasoning with him, eventually if that doesn't work, frustration sets in, I'm afraid, I'm on your side.......
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:35 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • last may he may be thinking of divorce, but hopefully not, it could be both ur faults try talking to him and see what he is thinking, ask him whats going on and what he wants, it may not be a good subject but its good to get it out there in the open to see if he wants a divorce sorry and GL
    navywifemomkoch

    Answer by navywifemomkoch at 11:35 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • Well he is punishing you for being honest. Wow what a message to send you. Perhaps you could sit down and talk. If he continues on this path you will never retire, never have a life. Maybe you will be divorced over it. I don't know if your right or wrong but seriously have a calm rational discussion. If you can not get a mediator.
    I can not say if your to blame or him. Marriage is difficult and so are finances. My husband and I go through this alot.He never spends money. Or so he thinks. He does but he knows what he spends. He doesn't know what I spend then he sees a bill and is like "hold crap".. He freaked out about a vet bill. I was like a child with hurt feelings for a week. I was sad and depressed. So I understand from the other side what your talking about.
    We however have money put aside for retirement, not enough apparently. If you want to pm me we can talk more.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 11:38 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

  • did you ever apologize for your part? I'd give it a try... if he keeps a grudge after you apologize that's his problem
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 11:40 PM on Aug. 23, 2010

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