• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

8 Bumps

How do I deal with a meddling mother in law when my husband won't help?

My husband avoids any kind of confrontation whether it be me or with his mother.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Aug. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • depends on her opinions
    if she does not live close
    and if it is about the kids or your relationship with your husband
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:20 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Nod and smile then do what you want.
    babyfat5

    Answer by babyfat5 at 9:20 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Thank you so much - you really kept it simple but this is really the best advice. How should I deal with my emotions inside?
    Terri566

    Answer by Terri566 at 9:24 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • in the end what she says doesn't really matter. Smile ans wave, let her think she's right, don't add any dialogue, just agree and she'll have no where to go with what she's saying. When she leaves, resume whatever you were doing.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 9:25 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • If it's your issue then your husband doesn't really have to help, unless he feels the same way, even then, you can't control him. Step back and look at your MIL's point of view. Why does she say/do what she does. Really try to understand her. Look for the most effective way to talk to her. Pick and choose what you want to share with her and share it with her before she has to pry it out of you. Build your relationship with her. Or, if none of that would work, be honest and direct. Let her know that while you appreciate her trying to help, that it is infact your life and you have a right to live it as you see fit. Let her know specifically what she says and how it makes you feel without being mean or making her defensive. Try to stay open to having her in your life and including her as much as possible. Your husband was her son first and she'll never forget that.
    Cassarah

    Answer by Cassarah at 9:26 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Just smile, be polite, and remember that she doesn't live in your household. Hopefully you don't have to see her too much!
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:27 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • How should I deal with my emotions inside?...

    can you try to avoid your emotions all together
    make out your grocery list in your head when you are nodding and smiling
    or
    go on a 'vacation' in your mind when she is talking
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:27 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Thank you moms - all very helpful. I am Mexican and my mother-in law use to send me mean spirited emails about Mexicans. I put a stop to that. Now she is telling my in laws that I am sensitive about being Mexican. She got very mad at my husband (her son) that he told me she was telling people this.
    Terri566

    Answer by Terri566 at 9:31 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I have to disagree with some of the previous posters. Your husband needs to stand up for you; he's being very disrespectful to you by not doing so. I have been in that exact situation and while I never had any problem standing up to my MIL (I always kept it civil), it wasn't until I convinced my husband that he had to back me up that she started to treat me as an equal and not someone she thought she could manipulate. Nip it in the bud now or it will only get progressively worse.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 9:35 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • You grin and bear it, smile and nod and do what you want to do, and ignore the meddling, or if it gets too bad speak up yourself.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:36 AM on Aug. 24, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.