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how to deal with a mother in law that wants to raise my children, buys clothes for my husband, tell my husband how to raise my children & me what to do. Not only in my household business, but all her grown childrens' business. The sad thing is the children out of respect don't stop her & that causes friction with THIS spouse as well as with some of the other spouses.

She was going to "give" my older son her car, only because she knew my dad says he was giving my son his BMW for his graduation gift. At the time my son was 13yrs old when my dad told him that, when my son turned 15 she convinced my son she would "give" him her 1998 Cadillac DeVille age 16 he took up on the offer, weeks later she charged him $1,000 for it. ONLY because she knows he gets a check weekly for playing the organ for the church. Oh did I mention she's a Pastor too, but not at the church my son plays music for. At age 15 she bought my older son a phone without telling us about it, we had given him a prepaid phone to use in order to monitor him before adding him onto our plan. She says she'll take my boys school shopping, although they have their own $ to spend, she makes them over spend, gas her car, buy her & her friend she takes along lunch, then tells my husband he owes her $. Yes, I discuss issues with hsbnd.

Answer Question
 
tonyrichardson

Asked by tonyrichardson at 12:06 PM on Aug. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • If your spouse wont stand up to her and set boundaries this will continue. You both have to form a united front.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 12:09 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • YOU are in charge. They are YOUR children. As long as they are under 18, no one has a say in how they dress, what they drive, and who they hang out with. Use your position as their MOTHER to resolve this. If you don't want your kids having these things no one can just give them to your kids. Someone did that with my son, I took them away. It was innapropriate.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:09 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • move a couple states away?
    cassie_m

    Answer by cassie_m at 12:10 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Why do your kids keep going with her? If my MIL charged my kids to take them somewhere she wouldn't be seeing them anymore. Period. Your husband may not cut ties with her, but you can.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:10 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Hmm, well go along with them. I say if she takes your kids shopping invite your self along. Heck they are your kids and you want to see what they are picking out with your money. As for paying for her lunch you stand in line and pay for your self and your kids.
    I don't really feel so sorry for you, I mean heck yeah it is a difficult situation. However at the very least you have a grand parent who wants to spend time with your children.
    just relax a little bit, be kind and considerate and be thankful she is there for your kids. You could also sit down and talk to her. How difficult would that be? Your not going to change her so you really are going to have to change your attitude with her. Try being her friend, try appreciating her for raising your husband to be a good and respectful son. Try to be kind and gentle with her. She is only human with human feelings.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 12:16 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • It's time to cut out the mdidle man (husband) and address this with your MIL.
    Stand your ground, don't back down, and let her know how you feel.
    This is a situation that you don't want to let go any longer.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:19 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Say no to anything you don't like. You are the mother. What she is doing is so far beyond wrong it's not even funny. Just because she raised your husband doesn't mean she gets to run your life. Don't get sucked into that crap about how she is just helping because she is not. She is manipulating everyone and sorry, people who do that don't deserve to be respected or catered to. If you don't like it, stop it now. It only gets worse from here.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • have you ever seen the movie monster in law with jennifer lopez? your situation reminds me somewhat of that movie.i know life is not like the movies but in the end jennifer lopez gives her future mother in law a good lecture on how she should be with the kids and such. its a good movie
    MelSwim7

    Answer by MelSwim7 at 1:16 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Tell mother-in-law to find a new hobby and get a life. I am a mother-in-law and can't understand that. I've raised my son and now I enjoy letting him be her (his wife's) problem. I refuse to allow him to run to me with every little problem that arises between them. I tell him, " you married her, you're grown, you two deal with it". It's not that I don't love him, I just love him enough to let him go.
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 1:16 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Here's the thing- your MIL isn't just going to wake up tomorrow and realize how annoying she is to you and suddenly change her ways and become your dream MIL. And I am guessing you have probably begged hubby to be a man and intervene here and he, too, has not fixed this situation. That means, if you want it to change, you are going to have to set the boundaries and enforce some ground rules. Yes, it means you will be the bad guy, and you just have to decide if it is worth it. Set rules for your kids, like that the money they have for shopping is only to be spent on a,b,and c, and if gma wants it to buy her lunch they need to tell her you said no and that she can call you if it is a problem. Insist unapproved gifts be returned with a sincere "thank you, but my parents won't let me have my own phone right now." MIL isn't going to like it, but if you hold your ground hopefully she will learn that she can't manipulate everything.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:14 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

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