Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

What would you do?

What would you do if your 19 year old daughter comes to you and tells you she is pregnant by a man 30 + years old after lying to you for months about the relationship. Although you've ask your daughter about the relationship months before because of a rumor and she denies it, stupid you believe her and then one day you receive a phone call out of the blue and his other girlfriend is threatening to hurt your daughter? Would you be hurt, angry? What? Her father knows the man and warned her about him when the rumors started. He's (this man) been known to be abusive,allergic to steady employment and just no good. She is almost 20 but still. I can deal with her being pregnant ( she is grown) but I am having trouble dealing with everything else. Now she wants me to meet his mother because she's going to be the other grandmother.

Answer Question
 
debnich501960

Asked by debnich501960 at 2:21 PM on Aug. 24, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (861 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I would want to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth from your DD mouth.Meeting this guys mother that's all fine cause yes she is other grandmother.But for the fact that your DD lied to you from the beginning is really hard to handle but once you do see the baby's face that will be all somewhat forgotten.I would have a long heart to heart with your DD.I hope everything works out fore you momma

    By the way congrats on being a grandma :~)
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:32 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Go meet the mother...she may actually be of some help. If not, at least you are doing your best and your daughter will see that. I would help her, but only if she can be responsible. If this man starts beating her, or mistreating the child, I would call cps just like I would with anyone else. Just pray, and do your best to support her and be an example.
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 2:33 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Meet the mother, but don't enable your daughter. Make sure that everything she does is on her own....she needs to raise the baby, she needs to be the one that terminates the relationship with the father. Support her, but don't do everything for her. Good luck.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 2:39 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • You should meet the mother and support your dd. I still would not let another woman hurt my dd. You should talk to the dude too just to see if he plans on sticking around. I agree with the other ladies bout letting you dd do the work and you just help because its her baby. Dont mind what everybody else is saying ppl gonna talk nomather what. gl
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 6:07 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Meet the mother when you are ready but do have a conversation with your daughter on how disappointed you are in her for lying for several month.  Don’t let this it be your problem, it’s hers to deal with. 


     

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 6:09 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I would feel hurt that she lied to me but she is an adult and she made her bed so now she has to deal with it as an adult. Be there for her and I would meet the other grandma. She will be part of your grandchild's life so it will benfit you and all involved to be nice to each other.

    Good Luck.
    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 6:16 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i would first find out how the whole deal went. and well she is pregnant and everything so you cant really do much about that other than helping her because im prettysure if he is the way you say sooner or later somethign will go wrong and things wont be happy all the tiem. so i would tell you not to turn your back on her right now i knwo you are hurt adn everything and well i would tell her yoru goign to have to grow up and make her tell you everythign from the momment they started dating. he is very old and well i think you should make him talk to you to tell him how this other female has been calling your house and well i think you need to have a serious talk to him tell hih he will be responsable for everything with baby that he will not just turn his back and go on with the other females. also i think its a dood idea that you meat the other grama she probably didnt knwo anything like you so be nice to her
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 10:21 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • As a mother of girls, I would be hurt that my child lied to me and became pregnant by a troll, regardless as to their age BUT I would keep in mind that at 19, whatever decisions they make in life, I have no control over....Yes, our kids will lie when they know they are doing wrong...and yes,it will hurt us BUT we get passed it, handle it and learn NOT to believe everything they say. In other words, dont' allow her decisions to affect you to the point where you are stressed out because you'll be stressed and she'll be fine!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:36 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • does she live at home with you. personally i would be livid manly about the lying and at myself for being a smock but all in all. meeting the mother wouldn't hurt but i would break the relationship up between them. you know this guy is a looser. really 30 and this is how he acts like a child caught having gotten a girl pregnant. i would set whatever boundaries and rules you want met. tell her this is the only condition you will help her with raising this child. it's like if she had a drug problem. she needs to feel as if she has hit rock bottom and see's the truth with this looser. my gosh how are you dealing with this. i would be so on the your grounded trip. your stronger then i am. alas though i would take her back to being a child since they are both acting like it. if she wasn't adult enough to tell you the truth then she shouldn't be in a relationship. poor baby. thats what i could do, which i see most wouldn;t do.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:37 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • gl
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 6:39 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN