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3 Bumps

What would you do?



What would you do if your 19 year old daughter comes to you and tells you she is pregnant by a man 30 + years old after lying to you for months about the relationship. Although you've ask your daughter about the relationship months before because of a rumor and she denies it, stupid you believe her and then one day you receive a phone call out of the blue and his other girlfriend is threatening to hurt your daughter? Would you be hurt, angry? What? Her father knows the man and warned her about him when the rumors started. He's (this man) been known to be abusive,allergic to steady employment and just no good. She is almost 20 but still. I can deal with her being pregnant ( she is grown) but I am having trouble dealing with everything else. Now she wants me to meet his mother because she's going to be the other grandmother.

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debnich501960

Asked by debnich501960 at 2:32 PM on Aug. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (861 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • You want to know if you get to be mad because she didn't take your advice?

    No. You don't. Or you can, and it will ruin your relationship with your daughter. I don't get how parents of adult children think they still get to tell them what to do.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 2:35 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • You daughter is an adult and she needs to make her own mistakes and learn from there. She was warned and she didn't listen. All you can do is be there for her when she needs you. Tell her your door is always open if her baby's daddy ever gets violent towards her. As for the other girlfriend she's probably just saying that to scare your daughter. There is nothing you can do. Cut the umbilical cord and let her live her life they way she wants.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:39 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • She is 19. Does not matter if you like her SO or not. She is grown. As long as she is not living with you you really do not need to deal with it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:39 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Of course you're hurt & angry. But, none of that will change the fact that she is pregnant with your grandchild. Many ppl who don't have adult children don't understand how we, as parents, still want the best for our kids. Even after they're grown. Right now, all you can do is support her the best you can. I'm sure you've made your feelings about this man well known. That's about all you can do. At this point, focus on your daughter and her baby.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 2:40 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • not going to meet the mother because he has 2 girlfriends and it's nothing that serious on his end. She has this responsibility now, and should expect to take care of the child, and warn her how tough it will be when the man decides that he's out of the picture. It's going to suck for her, but is a hard lesson learned.
    kbishop8688

    Answer by kbishop8688 at 2:40 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I think the OP is more worried about having to deal with the sudden threats this other gf is sending, and is also worried about suddenly having to meet people she doesn't approve of and will suddenly be in her life.
    To OP. Unfortunately there is nothing you can really do except support your daughter and give her advise when she asks for it and as frustrating as it is. It is your daughter's life and these are the choices she has made.
    I'm 24, have no kids but my parents were so controlling I feel I never got to make my own decisions in life until I finally moved out. My mom and I have a rocky relationship because she is still butting in and doesn't approve of my life choices but I keep telling her to deal with it it's my life. I still go to her when I need help, but I don't want her pushing her help on me when I don't need it and yet she thinks I do.

    Cont...
    Gnomeofmyheart

    Answer by Gnomeofmyheart at 2:41 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I am not angry with her for not taking my advice. I raised my daughter to be independent. She works, pays her own bills and is a sophomore in college. I'm angry because of the lies. I'm angry because already I see a change in her and because she placed herself in the role of being the other woman and in danger of the girlfriend that has been threatening my daughters well being. We can't proof it but we think she may have busted the windows of my daughter's car about a week ago. And if she knows where my daughter works and goes to college at. And I'm also angry because the other grandmother says,' these things just happen".
    debnich501960

    Comment by debnich501960 (original poster) at 2:43 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I know you're hurt by all of this, but try to do your best as heart breaking and frustrating as it may be. Life is full of choices and hopefully she learns from them, but she wont if you're constantly butting in.
    I hope everything works out for you and your daughter.
    Gnomeofmyheart

    Answer by Gnomeofmyheart at 2:43 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • YOU CAN PROVE IT keep the call logs and take them to the police. Keep every message she sends or leaves.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:44 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • You document the threats. You save them if they're text messages or email, so you have evidence. You photograph and document any and all property damage. If you need to, you take it to the police and file an order of personal protection.

    As for the rest? Yep, sounds like she made some really poor choices. That's too bad. There isn't anything you can do about it though.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 2:47 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

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