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Do I tell?

I had an affair for about four months with a single guy I met and became obviously more than friends with a the gym I used to go to. It felt amazing while it was occuring, but ended 2-1/2 years ago. It was very wrong to begin with, but my marriage is in a much better place now. Then, I thought my husband kind of had it coming (though he has never cheated to my knowledge). I look at him now and think "how could I have done this?" The guilt is killing me and I want to come clean!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Aug. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I, personally, wouldn't come clean. Odds are if you do then you will lose your husband and if you are never going to be unfaithful again then IMO it is best not said. It would hurt him as well.

    Answer by sarahar at 6:25 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • jaw dropIt's your choice, I would leave things alone and just be happy while things are good.


    Answer by DesertRose75 at 6:27 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Thats a tad bit hard. Im not one to judge...Ive never cheated BUT if i was in your position...I wouldnt tell, especially if your marriage is in a good state. Then again, I dont like to lie either. Hmm, easy out... DONT ASK, DONT TELL (maybe).

    Answer by ElleCherie at 6:32 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I am torn between telling you to tell and not telling if you don't and later on things come out your dh is going to be every upset and may leave anyway. I know if I found out years later my spouse had cheated I'm sure I would be out the door,It might be a good idea to talk to someone couseling perhaps

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:36 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • If 2.5 years doesn't count as "forget it, it's the past" what does? Not telling is NOT the same as lying. Obviously if he asks, don't lie about it. But at this point what do you really hope to gain by bringing it up?

    Answer by coder_chick at 6:46 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I would have told already. I can't imagine beng dishonest like that.

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:14 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • i wouldnt do it...i am here to talk if you want to....i went through the same stuff and am still going through message me if you need to or whatever

    Answer by jesslovesyou08 at 9:03 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Sometimes (like in this situation) it's better to lie and have your significant happy, then tell the truth and ruin the life he thought he had. I've been there, I came clean, I regret ever saying anything. It hurt him more then I ever wanted to!!

    Answer by SlapHappi at 9:18 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Don't do it. Seriously don't do it.

    Why disturb the trust and relationship you have build up? It's nothing more than selfishness in trying to get rid of the guilt. Instead you will go though hell because it will be fresh to him. Have you read some things in this section some of these 'loving' husbands do to their wives when the affair is revealed? It's horrible and way too often leads to divorce because they don't know how to process their emotions and communicate the hurt. If you love him and want to stay married, keep your mouth shut. Learn to deal with the grief. If you want to divorce, go ahead and tell him.


    Answer by isabellalecour at 9:48 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I say the guilt is your punishment.

    Answer by aurorabear at 10:32 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

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