Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Is there a chance to rebuild trust after you hurt each other so much?

Me and my SO are going through a difficult time and I think a separation is needed. We have spoken but we don't seem to get any where there is too much anger in my part and I keep telling him you either open up to me or you have to go I can't live like this. I cry everyday my therapist said I may have to go on antidepressants. He has completely shut down on me. I just checked his cell phone all test msgs are deleted inbox and outbox. I think he may be seeing or talking to someone. How can we end this once and for all when he says that if he pays he leaves when he' finds a place. I feel this is so wrong. We are being civil towards each other, we semi-made up where we were sleeping in the same bed and then last nite separate beds againg....this is not good for me because I want to make it work and he says a separation may be needed he just wants the therapist to say it's a good idea.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Aug. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • It may take a separation to work things out. You might not be able to get past any anger having to look at each other every day, with no break, ya know? You have all these questions, and there is no way he will give you any answers. That just gives you more questions, and depression and anxiety to go along with them.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:42 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • unfortunately it sounds like he has checked out of the relationship. is there a way you can get him to go to couples counseling? my DH and i have been through some really tough times, and unfortunately the worst have been when one of us is having a mental breakdown (i have a history of chronic depression and he has major anxiety - both can come out really ugly). there were a couple times i thought we were really over but so far we've been able to pull it together and back to great, with all the trust, love, and communication that was there before. it requires that one of us break the ice by just allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and say this is not what i want (the breaking up) and maybe having to take rejection and repeat it before we can both stop with being angry and stubborn. but this is how my relationship works... my hubby gets secretive and makes "plans" too but it's just self-protection. he may feel blamed.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:01 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • you know your husband to know if this is maybe what is going on with him... although my depression has not been a frequent problem i know that when it starts to flare my husband feels like everything he does is wrong and starts reacting to anything i say by being defensive, gets angry and upset, etc. if there is a way to say to him i know things have been hard and i'm doing what i can to help myself, and while i know that this is affecting us it's not about us. please stick with me through this hard time... how do you think he would react. sometimes it's easier to be angry than vulnerable. he may be wanting to run because he can't fix it. but you married each other for good times and bad - this is when you need to have each other's back the most, when it's not easy and you need support.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:05 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i,m sorry but it sounds like he has made his decision

    Answer by bunco at 3:16 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • some times may be

    Answer by ladybug36519 at 8:42 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • you need to leave him...sometimes i think the only reason my ex would feed me bullshit the way yours seems to be doing you is because he was trying to avoid me collecting child support.

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:47 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.