Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Have another baby after losing one?

I have a 16 month old my first died at 8 weeks due to SIDS..the bad part is my son would of been 3 so they are about 2 years you think Im a bad person? I make him aware of his brother all the time he knows who he is when he sees his pictures but People tell me I should just forget him and move on

Answer Question

Asked by butterfly3206 at 11:12 PM on Aug. 24, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 13 (1,051 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • oh gosh,,, im sorry for your loss.. i cant even imagine.
    but as far as making your sonaware of his brother,, theres nothing wrong with that at all.. but dont make it to a point where he feels like you care more about his brother then you do him..

    Answer by momaholly at 11:17 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • do NOT 4get him u r doin just fine!!!!! there is no way someone should tell u that..... ur son has a brother he needs 2 know about him..

    Answer by randilinn at 11:18 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • First of all, I am so sorry for the loss you have gone through. I do not think you should forget and move on, however, I do not think you should tell your little one about it. It isn't something that he can really understand and may just cause him stress. My BIL died when my son was 6 months old and my MIL always showed him pics and told him about him b/c she didn't want him to not "know" his uncle. I wasn't happy with it but I didn't know how to stop her without hurting her any more than she was already hurting...but now I wish I would have stopped her b/c my son (who is 5 now) is always talking about dieing like his uncle...he really worries about it and I don't always know what to tell him.

    Answer by MommyH2 at 11:22 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Thanks I dont make it like a number one thing it was just couldnt find a sitter for my late son's birthday we took him with to the grave site and all I said to him was your brother would of been proud of you and he said brother and we have a picture of my son at the grave...well we went home and my 16 month old saw the same picture on our wall and like climbed up on my lap and kissed the picture (all I hear was kissing noises) I looked up and he said love you brother. My son is way smart..I don't belittle him I don't make him feel different...

    Comment by butterfly3206 (original poster) at 11:26 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • I lost my little Mathew at 20 weeks gestation and I still talk about him. I need to. He was here... I made him, I carried him. He is my kids' guardian angel. I had a baby a year after I lost him and her middle name is Faith because if I didn't have faith, she wouldn't be here. People who have never lost a child will never understand. It's been 2 years since I lost him and I still have my days where I just want to cry. I'm still very bitter about it all. There's no way I'll ever "forget" him. When my kids are older, I'll tell them about their personal guardian angel. I think as long as you address it as something positive, it won't be such a big deal. When I get the courage enough, I'm even going to put his little beautiful urn on our mantel. I don't believe it's morbid or even something bad. As long as you face it and don't hide because of it, it isn't anything at all bad. People just don't know how to handle death.

    Answer by things_not_sane at 11:32 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • Yes you do need to talk about him and think about him. I lost mine at 8 weeks just 2 months but his smile sticks in my head and his son now reminds me of him even though they have different dads they have that common thing with me.

    Comment by butterfly3206 (original poster) at 11:35 PM on Aug. 24, 2010

  • You are not a bad person for having another child god put him in your life for a reason. I am sorry for your loss, SIDS is a horrible unexplainable thing. You can move on but i would never forget your first child, and talking about him to this child only shows how much love you had for that child and your current child! Dont listen to those fools, cherish the memories you have!! Keep your head up you are in my prayers!!

    Answer by felicia0387 at 1:15 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I think you can overdo it. Your child shouldn't have to live in the shadow of the older child that died. I don't think you should talk about it all the time. It's not good for you or your child. That was then and this is now. Let it go and live in the present.



    Answer by Gailll at 9:03 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • No you should never forget him. We talk about our two angel babies all the time to our kids. We want them to know about them and how we look forward to seeing them again in heaven.

    Answer by Jules_ at 11:00 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I am sorry for your loss :( You should never forget about him, other's just don't understand unless they have been in your shoes and even then, everyone handles grieving differently. My 3yr old son knows about Johnathan, and when he brings it up I just tell him that baby brother is now in heaven with God and we will see him again one day. I don't see anything wrong with that. I cannot lie about the fact that I had a son, he is apart of me and always will be. I will never get over my son's death, I just learn to live with it. *hugs*

    Answer by momofone221 at 2:53 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.