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Whats the FIRST thing that would go through your mind if your DH told you this...

We were at the mall when we ran into an old buddy. He hasnt seen since high school. After saying hi, his buddy said he was getting married in November. My Dh says with a smile on his face, "wow, marriage. Dont do it men! Dont get married and dont have kids". He says that while laughing and goofing around. I was very offended. It felt like a slap to my face. Later I asked him if he was serious about what he said. And he said he was and that sometimes he wishes he wasnt married because things were so easy when he was single but he doesnt want to divorce me. I felt so sick to my stomach and told him that he was free to leave whenever he wanted to. Later on, I thought to myself that I need to start acting better to please him.
Anyway, my question is if ur DH says that to you, what would ur first thought be? Would you tell him to hit the road? Or would you tell him that you are willing to work on ur marriage to make him happier?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • It's just something stupid that guys say to other guys. I wouldn't take it personally.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:42 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i agree..guys are morons. they dont think before they say things haha.
    bouncingsoul

    Answer by bouncingsoul at 12:44 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • My first thought would be that hes a selfish jerk. I would feel sick too. =( Of course maybe he didn't mean it the way it came out. Like seeing his friend made him feel like a kid. Maybe thats why he had the sudden weight of responsibility. If that makes sense.. I would be hurt tho. But I wouldn't leave him for it. Fight about it.. Yeah probably, and I would probably bring it up every time he aced like he wasn;t happy. Cause thats how I roll.. haha Serious tho.. What a stupid.. stupid thing to say. How bout.. Congrats man, this is my wife and our kids, we have been together for (fill in the blank) Gah.. yeah I'd have smacked him in the head right then.. lol
    Amelia512

    Answer by Amelia512 at 12:45 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I have even said that to people lol, i think we all at sometime or another think back to how easy life seemed without marriage and children. Dh and I often talk about how we miss when it was just us and wish for one day we could have that back. We would never give up our kids but the silence was nice all those years ago.

    I wouldnt have been offended, he was honest in that he misses that part of his life at times.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 12:47 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • If he said he did mean it but wouldn't leave you, maybe there are things you could do differently but he needs to do things differently too. Your 1st thought that something is bad shouldn't be you hearing him say that, he needs to talk to you more.
    DonnaPinitonya

    Answer by DonnaPinitonya at 12:49 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Honestly...almost every man I know would say something like that (I also have five brothers), and they don't mean a thing by it. Nevertheless, it is hurtful and you should let him know it was hurtful. It's also never hurts to work on a marriage and do things that please each other. HUGS!
    motherofpearls

    Answer by motherofpearls at 12:49 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I would have laughed right along with him and said "Yeah don't do it..." and kept on laughing.

    The truth is.. Marriage isn't simple, it isn't easy. It's damn hard at times, and it's a lot of work to keep a marriage happy, healthy, satisfying, fulfilling, for both partners. While at the same time both partners are trying their utmost best to meet each other needs, expectations, etc Adding kids to the mix, and having to do all of those things not only for each other but for kids too. Man it adds up, and it is exhausting at times, stressful at times, hurtful at times, the greatest joy at times, the greatest pleasures at times, and the most fulfilling thing at times.. But it's not any where near as simple as being single and just caring for yourself.

    After 25years of marriage. This very realistic observation isn't offensive to me. It's an honest look at marriage and having a family. Even As wonderous as it at time. Cont
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:56 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Ah, you're right to be offended...I mean WTF? Does this fit your DH's sense of humor...by your comments, it doesn't sound like it. I think you're comment "told him he was free to leave whenever he wanted to" was an appropriate communication of your opinion. Joke or no joke, I agree that he communicate a major negative to his buddy and more importantly you. Easy huh, well, yes marriage is harder than being single, but it comes with significant rewards. Make it clear to him that those comments hurt and of he truly feels that way then he put himself in a bad position with you. You only need to work to make him happier if there is some legitimate reason for you to do so.....if there are things you need to correct then by all means, do so. Do not jump through hoops to make him happy if you haven't done anything wrong. Let him know you are pissed and put the effort on him to recover.
    2boimommy

    Answer by 2boimommy at 12:57 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • If he's unhappy. Ask him why. If he has needs that aren't being met.. Ask him what they are. If he isn't satisfied or fulfilled ask him why.

    All that needs to be done if one of you isn't happy. Is communicate. that's it.. You guys just need to communicate honestly openly and safely with one another about these things. And work together to make your marriage a happy, healthy, satisfying, fulfilling one for both of you.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:57 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I agree that it was a goofy goofy guy thing. When you have a serious moment you might ask him about his life and decisions that he has made. Most men when they are being serious would say that their family is the most important thing in their lives.
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 1:11 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

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