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3 Bumps

Husband is unhappy

I am 26 weeks pregnant with our first child. We were only married 3 months before I found out I was pregnant. Lately my husband has been very unhappy in our marriage. We've been financially strained since I had to stop working a month ago due to an injury at work. He's been feeling a lot of pressure being the sole provider. Any time I try to be affectionate, he pulls away or rejects me. He says that he finds my pregnant belly unattractive. He says he still love me and tells we everything will be ok once we get back on track, but I am losing hope. I still love him and don't want to tear my family apart. I could really use some support or advice. Thanks.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:59 AM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • he actually tell you he finds your pregnancy unattractive? that's awful, your man is supposed to see you as beautiful no matter what, especially when you're pregnant
    aliishott2

    Answer by aliishott2 at 6:00 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • what an idiot, i know he feels stressed bt come on u didnt get pregnant all by urself did ya? u r beautifl and have been blessed with a tiny living miracle, try to stay strong momma!!!
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 6:08 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I'm sorry but your husband needs to grow up this is a very immature reaction to the normal struggles of life. Maybe there is counseling  available through his work that can help him deal with the fact his life is changing and it's not going to go back to the way it was before. It can be scary but he needs to start dealing with it now before the baby comes.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:20 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Men can be insentive jerks and sometimes what they say comes out not meant to hurt us but in the end it does. Did he not know that having sex could result in a baby? He should of realized that. Yes, a baby came along before you two were ready but that doesn't mean that he should be a jerk about it. He is probably just feeling pressure now that he will have 3 to support. Give him a little time and if you think it isn't working I would suggest counseling to see where the problem Lies at. Good Luck you are a beautiful woman!
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:25 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • It sounds to me that he feels out of his depth. You were only married and you got pregnant and now your not working so he feels as if all the pressure to provide for you and your new (on the way) baby is getting to him. A lot of men go through this when they are expecting their first child, it is a reality shock "Oh My God, they are going to rely on me" so try and be a bit easy on him and make sure to be supportive of him. If things don't improve then you should sit him down and talk things through. Good Luck :)
    neady

    Answer by neady at 6:33 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Same EXACT thing happened to me and my husband. We got married in April 2009 and by the end of July I was pregnant (we did not figure it out until Aug/Sep so by the time we went to the doc I was 3 mos pregnant-yikes). I am telling you this because we went through the same thing.. it was very challenging coming that soon especially because I also stopped working around 25 weeks. And we made it through it. All I can tell you is that it will most likely get better. Money and stress can do very strange things to people and I am sure he is just nervous about having to be relied on by not just you but a baby, too! Hang in there and try to think positive!
    Lisa.Price

    Answer by Lisa.Price at 6:44 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • My friend's DH responded the same way w/ their baby (the fear of failure thing). I told her to explain to him that, through this child, they'll live forever (kinda a "ticket to immortality thing"). Guys seem to have a large ego and that apparently helped, because then he was all gung-ho and wanted to have more when their son was born.
    As for money stress after losing your job - your new job other than caring for your dh and baby is to make sure dh's paycheck can go as far as possible. Take some of the stress off of him. I lost my job in Feb (30K year job) and took over financial management at our house, dh couldn't be happier - as long as dinner's on the table, he has clean socks, and the bills are all paid he has only to concern himself with his job - everything else is taken care of. It's the least I could do since our income got cut in half :-)
    plylerjones

    Answer by plylerjones at 6:45 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Eh, Hubby did that to me as soon as I started showing, He told me he still loved me, still wanted to "play" but he just couldn't........... He said he found be beautiful, so idk. I think My hubby was just afraid of hurting the baby though. Its natural for a man to be afraid, more afraid that a woman..... Plus

    You just got married, so that was a major change for him, & then you find out a few months later that theres going to be another change? Most men dont handle alot change every well.... & Now your out of work because you got hurt??? Thats alot of pressure, between making the money, trying to take care, & having a baby.... Stand by him & try to help him work everything out...... Its going to be hard on everyone for a while. But TRY TRY TRY... If he tells you he loves you, then Id believe him...

    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 6:53 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • that sux, he's not being very supportive at all. What happened to "for better, for worse"
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:40 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I couldn't imagine my husband saying that to me! I thought men loved the way their women looked when carrying thier child! I think stress is getting the best of him. If I were you, I would just encourage him, and ask for little beyond you basic needs so he doesn't feel like you are milking him. Men need to be encouraged, and to feel like their woman believes in him. Good luck!
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 7:40 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

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