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4 Bumps

Do you let your child make his / her own choices?

My son is five.

He chooses what he wants to wear,
How he wants to fix his hair.
He choose the theme in his bedroom,
What books he wants to have read to him
What shoes he wants to wear, ect

I was wondering how many other parents like their children do this... I get told all the time that Im making my son too independent, by letting him make his own choices in stuff like that.

How do you feel?

 
lilmoosesmom

Asked by lilmoosesmom at 10:04 AM on Aug. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 20 (8,133 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (29)
  • All of my children are individuals, and they have the responsibility to decide how they will present their self to the world- It is not up to me to decide what they wear (within reason), or what books they should like, or what their favorite wall coloring is. All of those decisions that they get to make for their self add to their quality of life, and their individuality.

    Yes, they get to make these decisions for their self. By nature, they ARE independent, most parents fail to realize this and try to mold them into something other than what they are. I would prefer that my children explore their self, and come into their own before they get thrust out into the world.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:08 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • My son for the most part got to choose between 2 options on most things. If it was a non negotiable thing, then no, he didn't get any options. He is 14y/o now and gets to make a majority of decisions on his own as long as they are valid and wise. Again if it is something that is a non negotiable thing, I still have the seniority rule over it.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:08 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I would rather my children have the opportunity to learn from little mistakes under my supervision than from big mistakes later in life. If they are never given choices, they never learn to trust themselves.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:11 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Too independent? That is just silly, nothing wrong with kids learning to take care of themselves, with guidance of course.

    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 10:07 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I do. I always have since they were able to communicate back to me what they wanted. all of course within reason. by the time my son was 13 I had pretty much stopped doing anything in that area. He makes all of his own choices with his little jobs, his friends and social life and classes he wants to take. I figured by the time he was 13 he knew what was going on better than I did and how best to schedule things so I left it at that. My 10 year old I have also pretty much now left everything up to her to decided, except bedtime. Children should be unfolded-not molded and it's so hard to put aside the human nature of control, especially with your kids. But I never had any intentions of raising children, I wanted to raise responsible and contributing adults. One cannot do that by making all the decisions for them.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 10:12 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i let my children have options most of the time, but my daughter who is almost 7 can choose what she wants but if its innoproiate or doesnt work for me she has to chance her options.
    definedclefts

    Answer by definedclefts at 10:06 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I think that's great... I personally think that our jobs as parents is to teach our children how to be independent, how to function like adults eventually... We are in the process of working ourselves out of a job and if we never teach our children how to make choices on their own (appropriate for their age level of course) then how in the world will they ever be able to get out there and live on their own?
    Maybe that's why the whole "failure to launch" thing is becoming such an issue in our society... we don't teach our kids how to be independent.
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 10:07 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • My kids started making choices at a very young age and their choices increased with age and how good they were at making choices. I have a 23 mo grandson and he has been making choices for a long time. Little choices for little people. He chooses shirts, shoes, juice, flavor popscicle, ect. He usually only has a choice between 2 things.


    We homeschooled and homeschooled kids mature quicker. My oldest son choose to go to high school and he got to do more things than most high school kids. My middle son was very mature and was treated like an adult by 16. My youngest son has low IQ and bipolar disorder. He couldn't pass the driving test and get his license until he was 20.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 10:14 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I allow my son to make his choices within limits. He can choose his clothes to wear, but when shopping their is a price limit and he can choose what he wants to eat, but has to include nutrious items before snacks.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:09 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • My girls are only 3 but I give them choices. They pick their own clothes all the time, they decide if they want to put their hair up or not. I think independence is a good thing, especially in these situations. You're just teaching him to be self-sufficient. Oh and they picked out their own comforters.
    mrspierce06

    Answer by mrspierce06 at 10:10 AM on Aug. 25, 2010

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