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What to call your childs birth mother

everyone gets offended about what the adopting parents call there childs birth mother..


Asked by kellyd1030 at 10:53 AM on Jun. 30, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (12)
  • I am a birthmother, that is the title I chose for myself, I am the mother that gave him birth, but doesn't make me any better or any less than his adoptive mother. He calls me by my name and he calls her mom... when I am talking to him about her, I refer to her as his mom, that's what she is. He knows I am the one that gave birth to him and at almost 14, he also knows that I made the decision I made because I felt it was best for him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • I like "first mom" or "tummy mommy"<-thanks Kelly

    Answer by mfialdrdickhaus at 12:23 PM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • Tummy Mommy? makes her an incubator.
    I call my Original/Natural/First Mother ~Mom~

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • I think the strongest offense is taken when the term is utilized before the child is born. A woman isn't a birth mother (or any other such term) until she has made the decision, given birth, and reaffirmed her decision by actually relinquishing. Just as one is not an adoptive parent prior to adopting, one cannot be a birth mother prior to relinquishing.

    I think the most important thing is to check out what both you and the birthmother are comfortable with.

    I wish folks would understand that sometimes we use terminology here on CafeMom for clarification that we wouldn't use in real life.

    For example, I find myself using the terms "my birth daughter", or "the adoptive family" when in real life she's just my daughter (because she is) and her family (which they are).

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 8:25 PM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • My aunt and uncle adopted my son when he was born. Now that he is 5, they tell him that i am his birth mom. He really doesn't understand yet but he just calls me by my name. He does call my other sons his brothers though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • i adopted my daughter and even thou shes only 3 and still to young to understand i talk to her about being adopted and when referring to the birth mom i call her either birth mom or biological mom. and will continue to use those two terms as my daughter grows and we continue to dicuss this..

    Answer by cascee at 1:48 AM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • I call her mommy then her name.

    Answer by Lyndall at 10:40 AM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • It really all depends on if it is an open adoption. I had an open adoption and could not meet the adoptive parents. They call me the biological mother. I don't mind. If I were to meet them I wouldn't mind them calling me by my name until the baby was old enough to understand.

    Answer by tazzyt19 at 11:01 PM on Jul. 1, 2008

  • i am a "birth mom", and my sons family refers to me by my name its an open adoption so when we get together he calls me by my name!!!we are all comfortable with that!! it just works for us!!we discussed it before the adoption was finalized!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Jul. 3, 2008

  • I would call her birth mom or biological mom, and would reiterate that just because I'm not mommy by blood doesn't mean I don't love you as much.

    Answer by joelochi3 at 10:29 AM on Jul. 17, 2008