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how would you respond?trying to be 'classy" about it...

My inlaws have made my life and relationship hell since day one. I have tried ignoring it, sassing them back,sitting and talking to them(only to have my words twisted and spread as gossip) ...everything, but nothing has made it better, only worse(like they see me as a target?)..and btw my SO is too afraid of them(all of them) to stand up for me or even himself so that option is out.
today was a final straw, after many issues and rude comments my FIL attacked me verbally, for no reason , which is his normal thing, but today is the 4th anniversary of my moms death? I have decided to not take it anymore.
i want to be classy, and "rise above" the crap, respect my elders, all that stuff. But where is there respect for me, who has only done nice things for them? How would you handle this, what would you say? and I cannot just sit and have an honest talk so i thought a letter.
would love some thoughts,a nd advice on this. ty mamas

 
Bearsjen

Asked by Bearsjen at 12:27 PM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,279 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • People do not change and the older they get, the worse they get. Nothing you do or say will change anything or your Husband. If I were you, I would say prayers to God, Jesus, Mary, St. Jude & St Anthony And ask them to keep your In-laws" out of your life". Don't wish anything bad just the best for them but to keep them away from your Family and to give you the strength to be strong and rise above it all. The power they have over you is the response of your reactions to them. So BE NOTHING when you are with them. Act like they aren't even there and just be happy. That will piss them off more than anything and soon if they get no reaction from you to their meanness, they will just stop because the thrill is not there anymore for them. Let them wonder about you and just smile blankly. But please pray because I guarantee your prayers will be answered. Good luck.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:44 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Don't write anything. It always makes you look like the villian because it is on paper. They can pass it along and keep it for safekeeping and take it out to bring you down to their sonwhenever their evil mood strikes. Just be the bigger person. Keep your distance.
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 12:33 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • honestly, if they are so thoughtless to begin with, a letter is unlikely to change their behavior
    I would just stop going around them
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 12:29 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I'd stay away from them.
    momov4kids

    Answer by momov4kids at 12:29 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I would stop going around them or allowing them to be around your kids. If your SO doesn't stand up for you you need to stand up for yourself. When they ask or start being rude about the fact they have not seen their grand kids explain to them how you feel and why you do not see it necessary to bring your kids around such negative influences. Or just punch them in the face, no totally kidding although i have bet you have felt like it:-) hang in their

    lolo0636

    Answer by lolo0636 at 12:35 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Cut then OFF!!!! No contact with you or your kids!!! It they are toxic for you they are no good for the kids!!! Don't write to them, don't talk to them!!! Just be done with them!!

    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 12:38 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Honey if it was me i'd say it's time to be disrespectful... Nothing you do is going to change it. If your so can not hold his own with them then you need to hold it for both of you. I would tell them you know i have been nothing but respectful to you and all you do is bash,disrespect,and to put it mildly you have shown nothing in return. Do not get it twisted i have stood the test of time with you insults and belittling of me . So it's my turn since that is all you know how to do is belittle me which means i have learned from the best "YOU") Kiss my entire a$$ good bye and have a nice life.
    MTM

    Answer by MTM at 12:39 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Yeah, don't right anything down, it will only end up being "proof" of whatever their problem is with you. I would stay away from them and not have any contact with them and if your husband isn't strong enough to set them straight, then he needs to honor your request of staying away from them as well. You do not have to respect these people as they seem to not show any respectable qualities to begin with.  Good luck!

    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 12:39 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I'd start by explaining that you have complete and utter respect for them and you understand that they're your elders and you've raised a wonderful man who you love. Next by saying that you only want to get along and you don't ask them to like you but just to be civil with you and then you will be with them also. Then describe what they've done and how they've hurt you. If this doesn't work then I don't quite know how else to respond to it - I know that my mother took the option of just not talking to my father's family, being civil but barely seeing them I mean. I don't know if your SO would be able to do this though, for example going to see his parents without you there.

    It's a really delicate situation and I'm sorry I can't offer more help and support. Good luck with this momma, I hope all goes well for you!
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 12:31 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • A letter is good but don't except anything from it.  At times it just has to sink with some individuals. What a letter would benefit you in getting your feelings out on the subject and that is a good thing.  I would suggest keeping your distance. 


     


    One more thing if you write that letter, run it through your husband for his input.  It's so he knows and backs you up and not left out in the dark on the situation. 


    GL

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 12:41 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

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