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My 18 year old son just had a son last week, his girlfriend is 17 and her family has taken over the baby! How can we give him our last name and take care of him?

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Asked by MJTsmom347 at 1:20 PM on Oct. 9, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (40)
  • Usually giving the baby the last name is done at the time that the baby is named, so that it goes on the BC. If your son and his baby's mother are still getting along, I would suggest him talking to her and voicing his feelings about wanting to be a part of the child's life. Outside of that, you might have to contact a lawyer and take her to court. The name issue, if it's not in your last name, the gf has 7 days to change it but then after that it hasn't to also be done thru the court.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 1:24 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • In my state I was 17 when I had my son and the father had to sign a affidavit stating that he was the father. That was done in the hospital. That was so that my son would have his fathers last name. All of this should have been taken care of at the time of the birth of the baby.. This could get messy. I wish you all the best of luck..

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 2:26 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • Mom decides what baby's last name is. The only way you can work on that is working with her. Have your son file with the court to get a custody agreement and visitation.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:33 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • Make him marry her. No offense, but if my daughter gave birth and was not married, I would advise her not to give her baby the father's last name.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • I see the other side of this. We weren't married when my ex and I had our son. I didn't give my son his last name for that reason, and its a good thing I didn't because we aren't together anymore. His parents made a fuss about that too, and it seriously upset me. It's just a name. What difference does it make? Drop it, you are just causing unneeded drama. It was a huge transition for me to make from a childless person, to a Mom. I needed my family, and I needed the support they were giving me. My ex did nothing but bitch that I was fat, and he wanted to see his son. Well I never prevented him from seeing his son, I told him he could come over ANY time he wanted. He never did, and he never told his mom that I said that either. So maybe you should just let your son handle this, because he is an adult.     


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • Usually the baby has the mothers name... But honestly what's in a name? "A rose by any other" Right?? As far as seeing and raising the baby you will have to work out something with the mother and I would advise getting visitation in writing. Even if they are all happy now if they are not living togeather you want to have legal rights to see the baby. Otherwise she can dissapear with teh child at any time!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 6:27 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • My daughter had a son and gave him her last name. The father came and changed the baby's name to his last name but he did it while the baby was still in the hospital and before the paperwork was sent off to the state. You can change the baby's name but call the Dept of Vital Records for your state to see what the procedure is. I'm almost certain you'd have to have the mother agree to it though.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:38 PM on Oct. 9, 2008

  • You have no rights to decide the baby's last name. But like everyone else on here has said PLEASE don't make a big deal about this. I've seen so many of these situations where the paternal grandparents are all upset and throw a fit and the problem is that it's only THEM and not their SON (the father) who wants the relationship.

    I think if you want in the baby's life for the right reasons and not just because you think it's your "right", then you should start by being supportive of the mother and her parents, be open and considerate to what they're going through, which is much more serious and traumatic than on your end. Be open to hearing what may be unpleasant truths about your son and their situation. If they really don't want you or the father in their lives ask them why. If you want the truth then don't get mad or upset when they give u their reasons.

    Answer by KatieLou23 at 1:11 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • Also please keep in mind that this is a NEWBORN you're talking about - I think expecting visitation this young is determental to a baby's development - those first weeks/months they NEED to bond with their mother. On top of that she may be breastfeeding and need to keep the baby with her, or may not be comfortable with visitors so soon.

    Again, it all goes back to being supportive and letting the mother and her parents know you are there for them and want to help any way you can. Don't ask for visitation or any special privelages before stepping up and showing them you are going to help take CARE of this child financially, emotionally, etc. Sorry, but your post comes off as a little self-centered, you seem more concerned with your "rights" than what the mother and baby are going through. Good Luck!

    Answer by KatieLou23 at 1:17 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

  • um the father is just as important to bond with the baby as well as the mom are you crazy? a name is just a name but definitely help out financially when you get to see your grandchild it doesn't make since to give her money or baby stuff if your not able to visit. i mean your not a druggie so what is her problem.

    Answer by humboldtmama21 at 2:25 AM on Oct. 10, 2008

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