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spoiled... >!!

so here is the thing. The first year that my son was born i spoiled him, I didnt yell at him etc. well he listens to daddy, because he gives him timeouts etc. so he doesn't say no to him or not listen. I've started this a couple of months ago. I have gotten better with it. But he is in the no's he wont do something if i ask . he says no. i put him in a time out and he doesn't stand up and listen for his time out. Is there something im doing wrong? Or will it just take a lot longer than i was expecting for him to listen to me

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Mrs.Ro

Asked by Mrs.Ro at 3:35 PM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 13 (1,210 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Please realize that he is WAAAY too young to be doing anything on purpose. His behavior must not be taken as defying you or anything like that.
    In their 1st 5 years, children have an overwhelming will. They need this Will to keep them trying and striving despite all the falls and all the obstacles and the sheer exhaustion of growing that fast and being too small to reach so many things they see and want to reach.

    You did not "spoil" him. You gave him an excellent start in life: you smoothed his path and you avoided being yet another obstacle, yet another hard knock in a world full of them.

    The inspired way to deal with children younger than 6 or 7 is through IMITATION. Especially when it comes to mama, a child will follow her lead. You want him to do something, have him join you as you are doing it. And you do it with interest and glee. If you treat something as an awful chore, he will be completely unable to (cont'd)
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 3:45 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • wow.. I quess i never looked at it like that ( he does what i do ) be happy with it or he wont want to either. Thank you
    Mrs.Ro

    Comment by Mrs.Ro (original poster) at 3:47 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • (cont'd) unable to participate.
    Why not? Why won't he "obey" you when you tell him to do something if you treat it as a distasteful burden? Because he loves you and will follow your lead ... if you don't want to do it, then he is compelled to do the same and not want to, either. He is not "defying" you. He is hard-wired to imitate you, and everything he sees around him.

    You can use this reality to great effect. You never have to admonish, reason with, or scold again. Just happily get going with a pleased, "we are doing THIS now ..." and he can follow you.

    This also means you must watch out for what he sees. Meanness, cussing, hitting things, all kinds of jolting & disturbing experiences all go very deeply into the pre-teen child. If you see behavior in him which calls for disciplining, then certainly do give him guidance, but take a long time to think DEEPLY where he saw that behavior to imitate !
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 3:53 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I agree, he isn't doing this because he is a bad or spoiled kid, he is doing this because at this age he is struggling with becoming more independent while having no real ability to control his impulse or realize how his actions affect other people's feelings. That doesn't mean you should allow bad behavior, but you are absolutely right to be using time out and as you continue to use it with consistency it will likely be more effective. I also count for my DD a lot, as in you have until the count of three to stop doing that and then I count slowly, it didn't take her long to learn that by 3 I will come remove her or take the toy, etc. It helps me deal with these trying toddler times by remembering something I read- toddlers are most likely to challenge authority of someone they feel safe and secure with. You are that person for your son, he knows you will keep loving him and forgiving him so he feels able to mess up with you.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:08 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

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