Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How to get over this?

I'm currently 30 weeks preg...long story short, EXbf broke up w me about 2 wks ago. Said he still had feelings but that it wasn't working. I didn't ask for him to make it work or anything like that, just 'why' w no answer. Things hadn't been working, but I felt blindsided. I'm missing him very much as we were very close up to a week before. He's a social whore; he loves his Myspace an FB and physically knows a lot of chicks that I'm sure he's messing around w. I have up and down days - today is down. I hate to think that he's forgotten me that quickly, but I know he has. IDK what to do...yea, focus on the baby, but dang, I'm still preg-a baby in my tummy isn't as time consuming as thinking about the relationship. I hope deep down that we will be together, but I'm dumb for thinking that. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here...just any imput :(

Answer Question
 
nappeal

Asked by nappeal at 6:01 PM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,369 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • He agreed to see me on Monday for lunch to discuss the baby (that is obviously a huge source of worry for me - how involved he'll be), and he acted like we were still together. Told me not to hate him because we are going to have to deal w each other for a long while. He told me he didn't miss me :( boo, that was a downer.
    nappeal

    Comment by nappeal (original poster) at 6:02 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • men freak out when they are going to be fathers
    good thing you are not chasing
    but you do not have to be a stranger either
    have you thought about counseling?
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 6:03 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Sorry sweetie - it sucks. Some men don't want to take on responsibility and as you grow closer to having the baby he may have been getting more nervous. If you think he'll be with you when the baby is born, he may open his eyes when he sees his baby for the first time - kind of like a kick in the ass of reality. If he's a real man, he'll fall in love instantly and realize what he's missing out on.
    ellay42

    Answer by ellay42 at 6:07 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Well, things hadn't been 'working' for a few months, and it was just a general tension and unhappiness that could be felt. He has 2 other kids, and I'm not convinced that he got scared. I'd love to think so.

    I'm getting appts every 2 wks, so the last 2 I've had, I text him to let him know what's up. I have another sppt next week in which I intend to do the same w the update. That's about as unstranger as I plan on getting. I will slit my wrists literally before I go crying and begging. I have way too much pride and I am too scared of rejection from him again.

    I have an appt in 3 wks for the 'mood disorder clinic'. I have nothing against taking meds since I do have a history of depression, but I don't think that every stressful thing calls for meds...IDK that I want actual counseling yet. My hormones are just jacking me up...making me feel worse.
    nappeal

    Comment by nappeal (original poster) at 6:10 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i have been there and there is nothing you can do at this point but worry about what kind of mother you want to be and make sure that you can provide the best home possible without him. DON'T DEPEND ON HIM TO COME BACK OR EVEN BE THERE! PERIOD. you can't make a man do the right thing. you on the other hand have too. some women fall short and never are the mothers they should be. looks like your going to be a single parent. just cut your loses and make sure that you get on with your life. he is out of the picture. i can't stress this enough. don't think about him,pine over him and in time you will see what the truth is. men just don't change cause a baby is on the way. i'm sorry that you have let things get to this situation and hopefully you won't do this again. as for this man if you ask me he is a looser if he is a whore and is everything you say he is. he isn't a decent man.why would you want him. give baby lots of love!
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:14 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i hope i wasn't to harsh. it just pisses me off that men do this to us women. maybe a bit bitter!
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:15 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Lol no...he isn't a good guy and logically I know I wasn't happy, nor do I believe I would've been happy if something happened like we got married. THAT would've been much harder. I'm just struggling w the fact that he's moved on and totally forgot about me; I'm here preg, unable to go out and have fun all while he's living it up like he has no responsibilities. I'm angry I'll have to deal w him forever, but somewhat relieved I have a reason to talk to him. I'm a mess, and all I want is to feel better, ya know? I daydream that we get back together-I need a hard slap in the head!!
    nappeal

    Comment by nappeal (original poster) at 6:18 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I have to agree with Melody77. My husband just out of the blue told me he didnt wanna be with me anymore and our kids are 2 and 4 will be 3 and 5 in December. I mean we had been having problems but come to find out he no longer wanted the responsibility of his 2 kids. Dont get me wrong we had our problems but I never expected him to come to me one day and say he wanted a divorce. U should be glad that he did it now instead of after the baby got used to him being there all the time. From the sounds of it u are better off without him. Good luck with everything and yeah its hard but u will be a great mommy without him being there. Lots of love.
    mama2005

    Answer by mama2005 at 6:24 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Don't pin this breakup on the baby. Not ALL men freak out when there's a baby on the way. Take it for what it is and leave it at that. Yes, it sucks and it's going to suck for a long time. But it is what it is. If you dwell on it you're only going to make yourself miserable. Find a hobby, go out with friends or family, do anything. You have every right to think about it, but just stop dwelling on it. It is what it is regardless of what the future may or may not hold. Be happy you had him and be happy you're having a child. But don't dwell on the negative. It's not healthy and it's not worth it.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:34 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • It sound slike he's not ready to be a father, but more than that, not ready to really commit to you. You need to make sure that you have yourself and your baby protected legally - once the baby is born make sure that you go through the state to get child support. Draw up a parenting plan that outlines visitations. I know it may sound harsh because you're emotionally vulnerable right now, but you need to get this "relationship" with him on a business level.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 6:53 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN