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can you get over being abused and controlled

for more than 8 yrs from someone that you loved and truly trusted with everything?

my ex-hubby use to abuse and controll me and still to this day i still feel like i deserved what i got from him, i have no one to talk to about it either not even my mom( tried once and she told me to get over it and to drop the convo bc she didnt want to talk about it/hear about it)

Answer Question

Asked by shortstuff69 at 6:44 PM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Health

Level 9 (359 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm so sorry. It will take time. It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve any of that, please don't think you did.

    Answer by PoisonousBlonde at 6:46 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • No you don't GET OVER IT. Most of my childhood I was abuse physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally. When I had my own children, It took everything in me to walk away from them when I was mad so that I din't repeat the cycle of abuse. To this day, when my husband ( who is wonderful ) gets mad at me, I sincerely wonder why he doesn't yell or hit me. By the way, I am now 39 years old. I was diagnosed with PTSD, and depression many years ago and I am still trying to heal. Hang in there. I'm here if you ever want or need to talk.

    Answer by hapeewife at 6:50 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • It's not easy and you'll never forget about it. Though you need to get it out of your head that you deserved it all. No one in this world deserves to be abused.

    The way I've looked at it is "The Past is the Past" You need to start thinking positively and focus on how much better your life is now and that you no longer have to deal with him and the abuse. In a way he's still controlling you cause your thoughts about it all is making you sad. Stop it all, say the hell with him and focus on your happiness and say to yourself that you will no longer allow his abuse and controlling behavior affect your future and your happiness. Cause you deserve to be happy and you deserve so much better.

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 6:54 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • No one ever deserves to be abused and/or controlled. You will always remember it, as a part of your past. Hopefully you can break the cycle and not be the same to your children. My Mother beat me, and I NEVER beat my kids, I refused to be my Mother. You can try to work thru it, if you really want to. I hope you find peace in your life. But NO, YOU DID NOT DESERVE IT, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Obviously he had some kind of problem in his childhood to cause him to treat a woman this way, so that's why he abused you, not because OF YOU.

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 6:57 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I know how that feels, I am sorry you have to deal with it too. Try to be strong, try to keep moving forward cause its all you can do. I dont know if things will ever get to where you can be "over it" but it can geet to a point where you dont think about it as much

    Answer by kristalee83 at 6:58 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Sorry that it happened but no one ever deserves to be controlled and abused. You're a better person than that.

    Answer by jilligan362 at 7:27 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • You can get over it but its a process. Start by telliing your self positive things when you feel like something negative. Try to find local support groups in your area or a group on here. Your ex had issues not you and you are not his rug. You deserve to be happy and healthy and live a full peaceful life without his drama. He used the love you had for him to hurt you and that's not how love work. Hit me up if you ever wanna talk bout it.

    Answer by mekarevell at 10:14 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • iam so sorry that he done that to you.i have been their before myself. but my mom was thier for me a lot if it was not for her i dont like i would have made it will how ever take time.

    Answer by ladybug36519 at 6:57 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • it will take time for you iknw what u mean my ex hubby was the same way

    Answer by regian19832002 at 3:39 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • yes it takes time i was in a realtionship for 18yrs my dear and i got it to till i finally decided my kids were old enough to walk out and be free.i was so happy and i know for some people they say why didnt you just walk away its not that easy .i didnt have anyone to talk to he took me away from all my family.but its been 6 yrs since my divorce and i still feel it but i am happy now.and glad that i got out alive and with my kids.

    Answer by desires_place at 4:05 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

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