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2 Bumps

How do you reconnect when you and SO are SOOO busy??

Basically my SO started this new teaching job, which has him working 9-11hr days AT the school, then he comes home- we eat dinner as a family with our two year old- and he's back to correcting papers or making up his lessons plan for the next day, until we kiss each other good night and go to bed.

The weekends have so far been filled with him sleeping from utter exhaustion, still doing work, and us taking care of our daughter- clearly leaves absolutely zero time for us alone. I'm a full time student and work part time but have more free time on my hands now, so I look forward to seeing him and spending time together, but lately we're lucky if we talk about anything besides tasks that need to get done or our daughter..

So I'm looking for any type of advice on how to maintain a lively relationship when so much is going on and there's so little time? Also it's dramatically affected our sex life (or lack thereof) as well


Asked by lexi8622 at 6:54 PM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,640 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Teaching takes A LOT of time, at the school, at home, on weekends, holidays, summer "vacation" etc . . . You will get more time with him when he is not working. In the mean time, be patient and understanding.

    When I was going through my teacher credentialing program, one of the professors said that it's nearly impossible to be a good teacher and a good spouse. It's hard to find the balance, but not impossible. Your situation is why a lot of teachers end up bitter and divorced. Talk to him and work out some time, but please, be patient with him. If this is his first year, it is especially difficult. Once he settles in and gets the hang of things, he will have more time for you.

    Answer by Pnukey at 1:02 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I went through this just a couple months ago, I was getting so frustrated that we never had time just the two of us. We sat down and decided that at least 1 night a week is dedicated to just the 2 of us when our 4 year old goes to bed. It works out great because the one night a week I can usually put the kiddo to bed earlier if I keep him from napping that day and we have from 7:30 or 8:00 until we decide to go to bed to just talk and laugh and have fun. Try doing this, ask your DH to put down the papers and work on Friday or Saturday nights and just have a couple hours to yourself with him after you put you little one to bed. Schedule time together, like someone else mentioned, it helps to really just schedule your day in blocks, you'd be amazed at how much extra time you have. I've found doing that really helps me, especially now that our son is going to preschool!

    Answer by mishmashmom at 7:49 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • ask him to schedule time alone with you - i read a long time ago that only 15 minutes a day dedicated to a child makes a huge difference - i'm guessing 15 minutes of dedicated time could be a great help to your relationship and it sure doesn't sound like much. also encourage him to schedule 15 minutes of break time for himself. and 15 with your daughter. i can't say if perhaps there is a way he can tackle everything more efficiently not being aware of all it involves, but i was an incredibly disorganized person and found that i was less stressed, rushed, and busy when i learned some real basic time management and learned that scheduling my entire day in blocks actually made me realize where i had more time than i thought as well as stay on task...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 7:06 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Make dates with him. Whether you go somewhere or not, schedule time to be alone together. Have sex, go to dinner, just have some alone time together.

    Answer by Scuba at 7:07 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • try taking him out to lunch...
    also..i often put my son to bed a couple of hours earlier...and have a candle light dinner at the dinnig room SO loves when i do this.....another thing is a nice long bath together...put tiny tot to bed and throw some bubbles in the tub and candles around it...and spend some QT i love this one...bcuz u get to relax and talk :) so much u can do...try not to focus on a lot of time together...jus 30mins to an hour is a good start...GL

    Answer by TezMoM at 7:08 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • You just make time. Whenever you can.. Even if it's just 30 minutes of alone time where you focus only on the two of you before you go to bed at night.. Make that time a time where: you do not discuss work/schoo/kids/dailies/bills etc.. that time is only for and only about the 2 of you.

    Do things just for the two of you at home.
    . At night, have a quiet candle lit evening in the living room. Focusing on just the two of you..

    Have dinner just the two of you after the kiddo is asleep, make is something special if you want or just have whatever is in the house. The important part is that the focus is on the 2 of you.

    Talk about life/dailies the things that must be discussed. But don't spend more time than needed on those things. Most of the time these conversations can take place in less than 30 minutes. Set up a time where you talk about these things, then that's it. The rest of your time together is about you 2.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:12 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Make the time. If he's taking a shower or bath, offer to wash his back, read him an article from the newspaper, tell him some gossip. Just do something to keep from slipping away from each other,

    Answer by debnich501960 at 7:29 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I have never had this problem, thankfully. But I really do hope you guys can figure out a way to fit more alone time in! I know how stressful it can be to feel like there's no time for your relationship anymore. Maybe you guys can schedule a date night or something once a week? Hire a babysitter and go out for a few hours or stay at home and well, you know. ;) Good luck!

    Answer by poptart0325 at 11:44 AM on Aug. 26, 2010