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2 Bumps

looking for opinions and guidance

i am 19 years old with a three year old daughter i have a boyfriend and i think i need to move on with my life me and my s/o fight alott and we really dont love eachother like before and im geting my own place this will be the first time in my life that i will be on my own and im very scared not only because liveing alone but also what my daughters reaction will be to not haveing her father around her ofcourse he will visit but he will be going to mexico soon for about ayear and also im really stressed out about the bills and daycare and all the adult (big girl) things i never had to worry much about before and it kinda hurts leaveing him after 4 years of being together but i know its what i need to do to make both of us happy i have talked with my s/o and he says its my choice i need opinions and guidance please

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:44 PM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I agree you seem to be doing what is best for your daughter. Find a support network - family, friends, a play group you and your daughter can join, a young mothers club (we have one in our area that is awesome!). You obviously are a very smart woman to recognize a bad relationship and once things get in place, being a single mom is not as scary. I raised my daughter alone for a while before meeting my husband. When things get overwhelming, just take it day by day - break down the scary stuff to a manageable size- you can do it - look what you have already accomplished - leaving a relationship is so hard! Good Luck to you!
    MomIWant

    Answer by MomIWant at 10:55 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i was 19 before and on my own and it was scary too u just have to remember who u doing this all for your little girl push yourself forward and friends and family at the end of the day will admire u for doing some thing not even some adults older then u can do

    good luck if u need someone to talk to just message me
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 10:48 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • What about the relationship makes you so unhappy? Is it anything that can be fixed or is it really over, over. I am all about parents staying together, but don't do it just because you want your daughter to have her dad around. If you aren't happy she will sense that and that's not fair to her. If he is going to Mexico for a year now would be a good time to get used to being alone. You can do it. You'll be fine. It's not going to be easy but you can still do a lot. You can get grants and go to college even. Just do whatever you need to do to be happy.
    ajbrownies

    Answer by ajbrownies at 10:56 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • i think your really young and people grow up and grow apart and you probably wont be with him forever so maybe you should just get it over with..
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:56 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • You'll be okay. I was on my own at 18, then married at 18, child at 21, and divorced at 23. It is scary to be on your own, and it is a lot of responsibility, but you are stronger than you know, and taking care of your daughter will help you find that strength. Surround yourself with positive supportive people, don't worry, you can do this. If you need a virtual mom just holler, I have kids your age.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:00 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • You need to do what is best for you and for your daughter. it will be hard, let's not pretend it won't be, but you need to go to court and get child support set up BEFORE he leaves the country.

    You want your daughter to grow up respecting herself and staying in a loveless marriage will send her mixed messages. She will look to you for what is and isn't "normal" in a relationship and if you stay where you are, you will not be teaching her that. You can talk until you are blue in the face, but when you are living the opposite of what you tell her, that is a more powerful message.

    Best of luck to youi
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 11:03 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • after having been very unhappy for so many yrs with my ex and one day it dawned on me that i deserved to be happy and that the only way would be without him. it was hard. i had 2 kids. i had to give up 3 others cause he was never around and i wasted the best yrs of my life with him. we were together on and off for 13 yrs. i should have left with our first child. you are alot farther then i was so i'm sure that you will make it just fine. get on whatever state assistance you can get on. just take it day by day. in time things will get easier and the pain of him being on will die away. you will one day just be sitting there thinking of how far you have come and even thought it's just you and your baby how happy you are having things be that way. sometimes fathers are better when they don't see their children as often also your 3 yr old won't really miss him all that much. just keep her busy and happy. you are all she has now.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:15 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest to do. You know its time to end it and move on.
    crazymom21

    Answer by crazymom21 at 11:21 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • its hard doing the right thing and being responsible, but it sounds like you have your head on your shoulders right. get a job, and come up with a plan. live within your means and stay encouraged. you are doing whats best for you and your child. you deserve a pat on the back. i wish you good luck in all that you do.
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 12:43 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I was pregnant at 19, and had my daughter at 20. Our relationship didn't work out. Don't be so hard on yourself, you still have your life ahead of you. Since you and him aren't getting along it will probably be better for the both of you. Your daughter doesn't need that. My daughter was the same age when we split up. She asked me why he wasn't there anymore and I told her that daddy didn't want to be with us anymore, and that it was his choice. Leave it at that, she is too young and won't really understand. As she grows up, let her form her opinions about what happened. Don't force your opinion on her.Don't talk about him in a bad way either, especially in front of other people.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:21 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

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