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when does doing the right thing and standing up for yourself start to feel good? I still feel empty...

I've been controlled, and manipulated by a man for 4.5 years. I left him but never cut ties with him partly because we have a child and partly because I was scared to let go. I thought I couldn't get any better, I convinced myself that he was my only shot at love and that it was ME who blew it, not him. But in reality he used me, abused me mentally, and drained me of any self confidence I had. He ruined my relationship with my friends and family. He rid me of all my dreams and ambition. When I left, I felt like I would die...I loved him, despite all he did to me. But deep down I knew how twisted that love someone who did nothing but bring me down. Well today, I finally told him I was done with him...told him if it didn't involve our daughter that I wanted no contact with him. He has a girl and he was sneaking around to call and see me. I never did anything sexual with him but it was still wrong.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Aug. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I think you probably are a person that enjoys doing things for others because it makes you feel good.if that is not hurting your wallet of your relationship with god then what is the problem? you dont have to say no to others to be when you become the go to girl and you look at your self in the mirror and cry because you are tired of being taken advantage of then that hurts,sooooo that means you will have to do other things to make you feel good.tell me how every thing woks out.
    Tamara L.

    Answer by Tamara L. at 11:44 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • Look up Relationship Addiction/Codependency.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • I think once you do something for yourself and regain some self esteem and start to do for yourself it will help as well. I know it helped me.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:54 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • It is not easy to do what you did. So first, take a moment and pat yourself on the back. You did something most women only wish/dream they could do.

    To grow a pair, as I like to call it, and finally give yourself the freedom to be yourself, and not to allow someone else to do for you, is an amazing feeling.

    Yes, it will take time to get back to where you feel good about yourself, but know one thing, you are BEAUTIFUL no matter what. Keep telling yourself this everyday, and you will soon believe it (It took my 14yrs of this to believe it)..


    Answer by MomtoMichael2 at 11:59 PM on Aug. 25, 2010

  • What you have done is such a big step. It shows that you do care about yourself and your child. It is very easy to become dependant on someone who is mistreating you. You know that getting away from him was the best thing you could have done.
    Maybe it's time to sit down and think about some things that will make you feel better about yourself and your situation. Make some notes and then choose a few of those things to do. As you start doing these things, your self esteem will improve and you will start to see how much better things are.
    Good Luck Sweetie.

    Answer by hsmominky at 12:18 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • did u ask a question about this earlier today? anywho, congrats on leaving him for good! once you start back focusing on yourself and building up your self esteem, you will start to feel better

    Answer by 3xangel at 12:28 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • You did the right thing. You needed to let go, and be the person that your child really needs.What he was doing is called emotional abuse. I hope he never did this to your daughter because she doesn't need it either. You are the only one that can look out for you. More than likely whoever he is with now is going to go through the same thing you did At least you had the courage to finally realize it after all these years. Good Luck!

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:59 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

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