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4 Bumps

My dad is getting married too soon?

My mom passed in may 2010. My parents were together for 30 yrs w 5 kids. My dad was not the best husband and never grew up. But my mom raised us all and worked her butt off to do so! We all were closer to Our mom but since her passing we have all talked to our dad almost every day. Within the past month he went from meeting to dating to wanting to marry this other woman! He was grieving to the point of not eating and drinking all the time! Now hes happy w this lady and hes trying! I think its unfair to my mom. He never tried this hard w her and even then He owes it to her and his kids to wait. He put her through hell and his kids. So out of respect for Our grieving process and the memory of her I feel like he should wait or even back off. But I cant hurt him no matter how mad I get. So what should I do? I met her and her family to make my dad happy but truley I want to tell them all to go away! Should I tell my dad the truth?

 
mymestey

Asked by mymestey at 12:09 AM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 16 (2,425 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I think it would be good if you and your siblings maybe got together and talked about this, and maybe approach your dad together. It does seem like he's rushing things, and definitely, he's not giving you guys any time to get used to this. It will be a difficult conversation, and he may get upset, but tell him you guys would appreciate some time to get to know the new woman, and get used to the loss of your mom, maybe he will be willing to listen....she should be insisting on slowing things down out of consideration for all of you, and for the fact that he may just be acting out of his fear of being alone.

    My heart is with you, I'm so sorry for your loss. Best Wishes.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:15 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • If you tell your dad, you should do it gently because he's greiving too. Maybe this new woman is his way of trying to do better.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 12:13 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I would talk to your Dad, but I would do it respectfully.
    Maybe your Dad has had time to realize the things he done wrong in his marriage with yoru Mother and he doesn't want to make the same mistakes again.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 12:14 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • well i think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. let him know that you would like him to wait a little longer to marry this women since they have not very long since they met. tell him you dont have a problem with him finding a parter because it is bound to happen at somepoint but just let him know it is to early. and if he still wants to go right ahead well ithink you will have to respect his decision if you dont wnt to cut him out of your life. butmaybe you can get all your brothers and sister to talk him into waitinga little longer. maybe he is just scare to be alone withough anybody in his side since your mom was the one doing everything for him.
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 11:44 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • i would tell him... i totally agree with you HOW COULD HE
    Patientchild3

    Answer by Patientchild3 at 12:12 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • tell him, i am in shock right now 30 yrs and 5 kids later he is already trying to replace your mom smh
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 12:16 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • to be honest I don't think the truth would work at this point for him but I do think it would make you feel better. When it all comes down to it he is going to do what he wants. I think it is more typical in men to move on right away especially if you're mom was the one who always took care of everything. What might help is to talk to the woman he's planning on getting married to and letting her know how you feel.
    Steffy1099

    Answer by Steffy1099 at 12:19 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • MORE INFO>>>> My sis the oldest of the five of us has already told him how upset she is. He has since planned to wed this woman anyways on friday and said not to tell my sis. (but I will tell her) And I take care of my dads bills. My sis did live w him and cook and clean but he aloud my brother and his wife to move in so my sis moved out due to the fact that they cant be in the same room. But since this woman my dad is giving up his house and moving in w this lady! We were helping him w whatever my mom took care of. I think he is like rebounding. But I dont want any part of it and I dont want to cut him out of my life but I cant stand to allow him to interfere w my live anymore.
    mymestey

    Comment by mymestey (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • id tell him
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 6:38 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Everyone grieves differently. He is on the rebound (and likely very lonely, even with all of you kids around). You and your siblings are still hurting from the loss of your mother. You need to love him, and support him. He's not doing this against your mom, he's doing it for his life now. I know it's hard. I know you're mad. Don't lose your father, it sounds like you were close before all of this happened.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 7:52 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

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