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Why do you think marriages end in divorce?

And when a marriage does end in divorce, do you believe that either of the people in that failed marriage can go on to get married and stay married for 30+ years? Why or why not?

 
Mom2unangel

Asked by Mom2unangel at 10:12 AM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (855 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Aside from adultery and abuse, I think most end in divorce due to personal gratification (I am not pointing fingers at anyone, who hasn't been guilty of this at some point?).  I do, however think a person could go on to have a lasting relationship if they wanted to.  To me, the whole "fell out of love" is the equivalent of I am bored with you and I want to try someone else.  Marriage vowels are made for a reason, but it seems they are often taken very lightly.


    "... to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part..."

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I think the main reason is that people don't take it seriously enough to begin with. If you go in with the attitude that if it doesn't make you happy, you will just move on to someone else, you are pretty much defeated before you start. I think another reason is that too many marriages are based on physical attraction and not on real inter-connectedness in the areas that really matter. Character really does count. Another reason is that people enter marriage expecting the other person to make them happy when the truth is that happiness has to come from the inner person. If we aren't happy with ourselves, nobody else has the power to make us happy. Some people do better the second time around, but that is the exception rather than the rule. I've heard over and over that the main problem with failed second marriages is that the persons involved take themselves with them. There's a lot of truth to that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:21 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I think most marriages the end, end simply because the people were not or were no longer a good match for one another. I am a firm believer that if you don't love your spouse or you can't trust your spouse, they shouldn't be your spouse... I have never bought in to this "You have to work at it" argument. Sure, you have to work through issues, but when if boils down to it if you don't love him, you don't love him - move on...

    I think others grow apart or got married for the wrong reasons in the first place... And then there is cases of abuse, neglect, rape... Any number of things that come in to play... There is no one answer. As long as people get married, people will get divorced.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:16 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Yes, even after divorce you can still find the right guy for you to stay forever with.I am up in the air about divorce right now myself and I would hope to maybe get the happy ever love out there. But they would have to love my 3 girls as well. Sometimes I takes awhile to find the right one.
    momindiana

    Answer by momindiana at 10:16 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Sorry, I missed the second half... Yeah, of course. Just because the FIRST marriage or even Second didn't work, doesn't mean that someone is destined to be alone. It just means they haven't found the person that fits them yet... When they do, they can spend their life happy...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:17 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I forgot to answer the 2nd part! & yes! I think people can divorce and end up together for the rest of their lives with their next partner. As I said, a marriage needs TWO devoted people to work. It can fail even if one person is willing to be devoted to the other person before themselves. I believe that member can go on to have a very long, happy marriage if they can find someone who is willing to do the same.
    Kisses4Henry

    Answer by Kisses4Henry at 10:22 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I was young, I didn't know who I was when I got married the first time. I fought to make it work for 13 years, and realized that sometimes you just can't if you're not with the right person. I've been married this time for 6 years, we are stronger now than when we were first married. I learned a lot from my first marriage, as did my DH. I don't think we would appreciate each other as much if we hadn't had our first marriages.

    I think marriage is a lot more work than people think it is. I also think that sometimes we are pressured to get married even if we really aren't ready. I know of two people that actually got married because their friends had recently done it. Seriously. One marriage lasted two years, the other four. They were so focused on the wedding, they forgot that there was a marriage afterward.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:17 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • you either grow together, or apart. you abuse, or you do not. there are so many, many, many factors in divorce.
    yes, people who are better matched can, and do come together in lasting union. I will point out for the record though, that not all of them remarry, and simply enjoy life together for as long as it makes sense... sometimes until one or both parts by way of physical expiration.

    both of my parents are divorced, and remarried. they just celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:19 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I think marriage often ends in divorce because people think it's about romantic feelings and momentary happiness. While those things are great, it isn't the foundation of a marriage... or shouldn't be. Both people have to be dedicated and put their marriage and spouse before themselves. In our society you would be hard up to find too many couples like that these days. Individuality and self-pleasure is valued so much now. I watched my parents marriage over the years. It hasn't been easy. They both had to put a lot of work into it, but 40+ years later they are sharing their 60's together happily with 3 children, 7 grandkids and a lifelong partner.
    Kisses4Henry

    Answer by Kisses4Henry at 10:20 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I think although there are some marriages that never should have been, or where there is nothing to save, there are so many divorces that happen just because people give up when things get hard. Marriage isn't easy...even when it's a good one. There are times when it takes hard work, and it doesn't matter who you marry, or who right you are for each other, you still have to do the work.

    Saying that, I got married at 19, and divorced at 23. I never should have married my ex, I cared about him, but I wasn't in love with him. I just did what was expected of me. I remarried at 27, and have been happily married for 22 years.....hopefully to be continued to 30 years.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:35 AM on Aug. 26, 2010