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Need some encouragement please!

Ok...so I am in the very beginning stages of divorce and while doing that, I am trying to "find myself" again. I have been married for 10 years and have never spent a night away from my kids. Part of me renewing who I am as a person is realizing that I'm not just "Mom". I am a woman, a friend and will be a lover again sometime hopefully. I'm trying to get in touch with all of those parts of myself that I've lost over the years.

Next weekend my friends want to surprise me (not sure how yet), but I am going to be sans kids for three and a half days. I have never spent one night without them and am hesitant and scared to leave them. It's not like they're babies either. They are 5 and 7. My husband, soon to be ex will be taking care of them during this time and is fine with it. It's me that is having anxiety issues.

I plan on having fun and want to enjoy myself, but how?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • As long as you have your plans for your kids' care set up relax and enjoy. Or if it would make you more comfortable to come home one day earlier, do that. But I bet if you did you'd be saying, "Gee, I could have stayed another day". Best wishes!
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:47 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • First try to calm down. Second he is their father and capable of taking care of them so try to remember that. Third you can always call them when you need to, but I bet you will start to have so much fun that you wont need to call more then once after the first day. It will be ok so just try to enjoy yourself, it will be hard at first but as long as you are willing to try then it can be done.
    BusyBeesmom

    Answer by BusyBeesmom at 10:49 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Relax, your kids will be fine. Let your girlfriends distract you, and focus on your new life...which will of course still center around your kids, but will now put you back on your priority list. I think it's okay to call and check on them daily, but give yourself permission to have some fun grown up fun!!

    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:49 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • That will be hard and understandably. My kids have recently begun spending the night at friends houses and they are 3 and 5. My first night I was super paranoid and waiitng on the "Mommy I have to come home" calls.... which never came. Plus, the little jerks had fun! lol. Nah, but the only thing you can do is spend the first night at home remembering and reminding yourself that they are okay, you are okay, they are taken care of.... then the next night have fun and possibly get a little drunk so you can kind of forget your anxiety and let loose! :)

    HAVE FUN MOMMA!
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 10:49 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Well, it seems odd to me that as a mother you seek to 'find yourself' and think that in order to do that you have to first pretend you're not a mother...

    What kind of odd double life are you expecting to live?

    As the cheeky writers of So That's What They're For respond to the question 'when do I get my life back?', I'll reiterate it and phrase it specifically for you: this is your life, honey, your old one is gone and so is the person who lived it.

    You haven't 'lost' yourself, you've added to yourself and your priorities have shifted --which, considering the needs of young children and whose responsibility that is, seems reasonable to me. In fact, it sounds responsible, intelligent and mature.

    Running away to 'find yourself' --even for a weekend, strikes me as exactly the opposite. Where do you think you've been for the last 7 years?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 10:51 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Remember that your kids are in good hands. You have the contact info incase you need to hear their voice or check up on them. You know where they're going to be and who they're going to be with. Now all you need to do is set that aside from have some much needed fun with your friends. If at anytime you need to know you can call them. But it's important you have this time away for both you and them. They need to know they're going to be okay with mom gone, just as much as you need to know you're going to be okay with being gone. It will be okay. They're in capable hands. Enjoy your time, enjoy your friends, enjoy the newly single you!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:53 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I tend to trust my instincts. If I am having anxiety issues it normally means I am not ready for something. Are you sure you are ready for this? Maybe you could spend the weekend with your kids instead?
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 10:53 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

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