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Will I ever get my opinion heard as a step-mommy?

My step kids are 5 and 7 and they live with us Mon thru Thurs. Everythings amicable between me and their mom. My problem lies with my dh who seems to not take any suggestions or ideas I have about the kids to heart. I already know that the children have a mom and a dad, so nobody needs to bring that up to me again. My example would be, me having an idea about the kids joining a club at school and passing it by my dh only to have him say, "no, it's not necessary and besides, I asked them if they wanted to join the club and they said no." But then, a week or 2 goes by and their mom says she wants them to get involved in a club at school, tells the kids they have to, passes it by my husband, he agrees, and the kids are signed up for the club. This type of thing happens often and always leaves me pondering why he would readily agree to his x-wifes opinion about the same thing I suggested a week earlier?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • That's a tough situation to be in. :-( Maybe he was just trying to keep the peace with his ex for the kids sake and really didn't find it necessary, but would rather keep things civil?
    MamaSarah1104

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 11:23 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • If you get along well with his ex then by all means talk to her about suggestions. Be sure to say you dont mean to but in but you have the kids best intrest at heart and see how she takes it. Sadly most step mom's never get a say much less an opinion on how you help raise someone elses kids. And 3 days a week with you IS helping raise them
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 11:23 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I have the same problem with my my SO and my step son I just gave up offering opinions it is just frustrating and only leads to arguements with us. but it is not the best way to handle this it is still very frustrating and feels like you are left out.
    brittanybell

    Answer by brittanybell at 11:25 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Honestly, I would talk to him about it. And tell him, you know I realize that they are my stepkids, but I love them too! I think you all should at least listen to my ideas and concerns about them and take them seriously! After all, I am a PARENT in their lives!
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 11:25 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Not to be rude, but maybe he's trying to give you a hint.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 11:25 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Hmm... does your husband take you seriously any other time you make a suggestion?

    As for the kids, you will never be taken seriously. My friend has been married for 10 years and her opinion and comments do not count, her husband does listen to her in other areas though.
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 11:29 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • honestly, I'd go around him and talk to the BioMom. If you and she get along she will realize that you are only thinking about what is best for the kids.
    NoahsMomma418

    Answer by NoahsMomma418 at 11:56 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Im sorry but if these kids are involved in YOUR household.......and you are involved in there care then your husband should respect you as his wife and include you in his childrens life. He is being totally unfair.

    Your a much better person then I am because I'd of told him along time ago that you were not the hired help and that you married him knowing that you would take on the responsibility of helping raise the kids. Until he could respect you and your marriage........he can take care of "HIS" kids on his own and hand him the name of a babysitting service.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:03 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Sounds like a recipe for disaster! I would get on his case and tell him, why is when I suggest something you poo poo it but when she suggests the same thing you are jumping on the ban wagon?! Tell him how you feel, he cant expect you do clean up after them and cook for them and get them ready for school and babysit then be the outsider. Not going to work, your going to end up resentful. Nip it in the bud now.
    Esmrlda

    Answer by Esmrlda at 1:44 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Have you ever considered that maybe your husband feels that your stepping out of line with your suggestions about the kids? Although they live with you Monday thru Thursday, maybe he feels that you have a specific place in thier lives aside from him and the biological mother, meaning, whatever major decisions to be made regarding the children goes through him and the biological mother?

    If you decide to talk to him about it and he continues to ignore your request, I would suggest leaving it alone and not getting yourself too upset over it...I know its hard but it will save a lot of pain down the road...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:23 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

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