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My nephews parents are divorced and......

I am very close to my 8 year old nephew, who's parents(his mom is my sister), were divorce a year in a half ago. Do you think it's in his best interest to remind him that he has 2 families? He really thinks he has just one family but that they live in 2 different homes. The only reason I am concerned is because whenever he goes on vacations with his dad and his stepmom and his stepsiblings, he will not recollect that he even did those things when you try and bring it up to him about a month later. However, any vacation he's gone on with his mom, he'll recollect 6 months later, clear as a bell. His mom and I are thinking this may be the reason, that he is not fully comprehending that daddy has a new life and mommy has a new life. What are your thoughts?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I would leave it alone. He has one family, with many members in it. His father has a wife and kids and then you can add all of the other people it still doesn't mean he has more than one family. He may be sensitive and not want to talk about trips with his father in front of him Mom..... kids can pick up on a lot of things...

    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 11:54 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • As a child from a divorce myself, I think it is always best to be honest. My mum used to say that I had 2 sets of happy parents instead of one unhappy set. It is unsettling, but when he gets older he will be grateful of your honesty.

    Sending hugs his way.

    PS its great hes so close to you, someone who understands but isnt in the middle of everything. Well done x
    mum-to-a-cutie

    Answer by mum-to-a-cutie at 11:56 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • He has ONE family. Not two. One family who lives in different places and love different people, but it's one family.
    I don't think it's because he thinks of it as one or two families as to why he can't remember the vacation with dad. I think it's something more then that. That's important to find out.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:56 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I have a few nephews similar in age, and I agree they are sensitvie. I can't help but wonder if maybe his mom is his main influence. Maybe he thinks it will hurt her feelings if she knew what a great time he had on vacation with his dad. Maybe she is the one who needs to sit down and talk with him and let him know she wants him to have a good time with his dads family and talk about those good times openly. She's the one who split from his dad, so it's not fair to your nephew that he has to be quiet just to protect her feelings, if that's what he's doing. Good Luck!
    Danishlady

    Answer by Danishlady at 12:06 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • My ex remarried when my kids were 8 & 5 and their step-mother couldn't have children. She started telling them they had two homes and two families. They didn't like that and I really didn't like that. They had one home and they visited their father. I talked to my ex and he put he agreed and put her in her place. Over the years there would be time when she would try to make my kids her family and they wouldn't like it and my ex would always put her back in her place. As long as she remembered that she was just the wife of their father and that they had a home and it wasn't her home then everyone was fine. The boys were well behaved and she didn't have problems with them.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:09 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • When my boys were 22 and 25 the step-mother died suddenly. They have good memories of her and of vacations they took with their father and her. They never wanted to spend summers with their dad because they would really be with her 24/7 and not see their dad much. Their dad didn't care when they were young. He liked being around them more as they got to be teens. They worked at scout camp all summer so they didn't have to stay with dad. The camp was near their dad's house and he could go see them when he wanted.


    When parents are divorced different things work for different families. My kids had a relationship with their dad and step-mom that like the relationship I had with my grandparents; weekend visits, a few vacations, holiday get-togethers.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:18 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I don't understand 2 families. I always thought and believed in one family, despite the fact that mom and dad are no longer together. As far as your nephew not remembering his time with his dad may be a total different issue...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:17 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

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