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3 Bumps

How do I handle this?

My SO does not express his emotions well, he tends to keep them inside. But its not just his emotions, its how he feels about me too. He rarely tells me that i'm sexy or pretty or that he is happy to have me... I always have to fish for compliments or just bluntly ask him. I tend to be overly sensative and this does get to me and weigh on my self esteem. After awhile i'll start to think he isn't interested in me, or etc. I have asked him MANY time to try and express his feeling towards me more and he always says he will try and it works for about a day. Any suggestions?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • its just the way he is, you cant really change a person.

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 12:01 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Maybe look for the ways he shows it but you don't realize it. Maybe he does something like open doors for you, or call you on his lunch break or take out the trash etc. There is a book called the 5 love languages and it's all about how people give and receive love in different ways. I haven't actually read it, but I've heard it was good. I bet your husband shows you love in his own way, you might just have to look for it and recognize it.

    Answer by MamaSarah1104 at 12:03 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Do you have any idea how unattractive it is to watch for someone fishing for compliments?

    Tell him that you enjoy hearing how he sees you, and that he loves you, and ask him to put it onto his agenda at least once a week. When he forgets, remind him that he's running out of week...and leave it.

    Find a way to appreciate yourself, and you'll find a way to appreciate him instead of seeing what's missing. And then you can stop that ugly 'look at me, look at me, look at me' that is so unsatisfying, anyhow...

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:03 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • That is the way he is. My hubby is the same way. I tell him he looks nice and then he compliments me back. I see it as he is with me at night. i cant bitch

    Answer by Mrs.Ro at 12:04 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Mine is like that too. It does hurt. Sometimes a person needs to hear those things, its important. I've talked to my dh about it.I've tried being more loving and open to him in hopes that he will catch on and do the same. Slowly but surely, it is working. I try not to harp on it though, the more you harp...the more they close up. Leave little notes here and there for him..on the bathroom mirror, on the dashboard of his never know, he might do it for you to. Writing can be easier than talking for some men :)
    Good Luck, Hope this helps.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:04 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • You knew that this was how he is. You can't change a person. He is who he is. If you need more affection or more expression of any feelings, maybe you should look elsewhere.

    Not being mean. This is how my ex-dh was only in the beginning, he would express them but it was a front. He was not comfortable with it and reverted back to his true self. That was not the person I was willing to spend the rest of my life with. I am like you in my need for PDA.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:06 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Not all men are comfortable with showing emotion, it's as if they think they are less of a man if they do. If he's with you and has been with you, that alone could be his biggest compliment to you. If you push and he's not comfortable then you could be causing problems with the relationship that were not there to start with. If your so insecure with yourself that you need to "fish" for compliments he may find your lack of self esteem as being needy or over baring. I'm not trying to be mean or rude....I just know a few women that have great men and they drive them away by being too pushy about this kind of stuff. Good luck

    Answer by how_reb at 12:07 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I have found that men are just different in how they think and show love. I've heard that a mans way of showing love is by being a provider and a protector. A womans way of showing love is all encompassing....we express by talking and hugging and protecting and caring for so when a man doesn't do this we feel somethings up because to us that shows love. Men are just way more simple when it comes to that. Just keep your feelings open, keep letting him know what you need. If you tell him it gets you more sexually interested in him(more than you already are) then you should really get his attention. Sad but least thats been my experience. I don't know your situation exactly there could be all kinds of possibilities but I think I've finally come to realize he's just different than me....still loves me all the same.

    Answer by christina259 at 12:08 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • ...p.s. I agree with the above don't want to nag him to death and make him tired of hearing it. It don't take much for them to shut down. I know it sounds silly but it seems to be true.

    Answer by christina259 at 12:11 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • My husband isn't very expressive in that way either. He told me that it really bothered his ex wife and his explanation to me was that while his eyes and brains see your beauty, it just doesn't occur to him to speak those words. Just doesn't come naturally. I think a man loves his wife with his whole being and you look the same to him whether you are all made up to go out as when you just wake up in the morning. (It also bothered him that he felt pressured to say it to her.)

    When I first met my husband almost 4 years ago, he told me he thought I was beautiful. I know that he still believes the same thing today but he doesn't say the words. I can see his love for me in his eyes. The good thing is he still sees me as beautiful if my hair is dirty, no makeup, gained a couple of pounds. His eyes and smile tell me that.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:14 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

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