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What to do???

My 17 yr son lives with his dad. I pick him up every night from a college class he is taking. Last night we went to get something to eat and he said he didnt want children. I then said good then keep it in your pants. I then told him if he does get educated first, get stable and have a home. He got pissed at me and said
" you always bring that up" take me home. He was so pissed at me for talking about it. He is so sensitive about everything and gets mad at me for talking about being safe. Then he said mom just stop talking. I said NO i am the parent and can talk all I want. Am I wrong for wanted to make sure he stays on the right path. My mom never talked to me about anything. And I paid for it. Now he is so pissed at me. UGH thoughts?

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voni681

Asked by voni681 at 12:20 PM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (4,469 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • i go through some of the same things with my 17 DD. Sometimes I just let her talk with few comments, it gets me more info becasue if I start making comments she gets oversenstitve and defensive. Maybe just listen more and talk less, I have to do that a lot.
    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 12:26 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I have a 14 y/o that does the same thing when I talk about anything. He is always uptight and sensitive. And then, I get the "mom, just stop talking". Which makes me say what you said and starts a cycle...LOL I understand believe me. I agree, let them talk and say nothing sometimes...
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 12:29 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • When you were 17, did everything you said to your mom come with an unwritten invitation for a lecture on what you should or should not be doing?

    If you find that your son is often 'over sensitive' to your lectures, advice or opinions, you might like to stop and wonder why that is. Do you give him the floor to express himself fully? Do you ask his opinion? Do you wonder out loud what he's discovered or how he arrived at that decision?

    If you're right all the time, and you think he's an idiot (how is 'good, keep it in your pants' an answer to 'I don't think I want children as a life goal' anyhow? Lots of people have sex daily their whole adult life and never have children --do you really think he doesn't ALREADY know your opinion of pre-marital or even just him having sex?), you don't give the relationship anywhere to go except further apart.

    Do you want him to stop telling you anything?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:34 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Maybe he feels that you don't give him enough credit for already knowing how to be safe. If you talk to person about things a few times, for some..that may be good enough. They don't need to get drilled over and over again. I know its the mom thing to do..and you can't help it,lol. I catch myself doing it too.
    Just let him know that whenever he needs to talk about anything, whatever it may be...that you will always be there to listen if thats all they need or some advice if thats what they need.
    Good Luck..teens arent easy...but you'll get on through. :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:35 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Thanks ladies at least I know i am not alone. UGH TEENAGERS.
    voni681

    Comment by voni681 (original poster) at 1:31 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Teenagers really want someone to talk to about their opinions and thoughts, versus lectures. When my son says anything about sex I ask him why he said it or what he's thinking, then that can turn into an important conversation, giving us both an opportunity to share idea's and thoughts even if they are different. If he's telling you that you "always bring that up" and he's angry then he feels like you aren't listening to him and continuing to ignore how he feels about the constant lecturing on the same thing. I think telling him to keep it in his pants could have been said differently - more of like a question..."You don't want children? Why? Arey you planning to never have sex?" Those questions would open him up more for conversation then feeling attacked. Once my kids ask me to stop the conversation, I don't keep going on, you have to respect what they are feeling and saying in order to keep them from shutting down.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:59 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • is he gay?

    I know that is a wierd thing to say but for some reason it popped into my mind... I have no idea why.. but it did.
    Kind of an odd round about way to lead you into a discussion... Im not going to have kids... you ask why... and it goes from there.
    When you said what you said did it include marriage?

    I know it was a funky thing to say... but like I said that is what popped into my mind.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 9:21 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

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