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i hope you can understand adult content

for 2 years i when my husband asks for sex, out of 9-10 times i say no, well it is finally payback. I am now hurt. It got to him so much. that now he wont touch me. He does not want to get rejected. Last night we were laying next to each other. and we were kissing and i stopped and said you can get closer. he says( i won't i don't want to get rejected) . I told him he won't and he says ( i am so used to the no that i just don't even try anymore. What do i do . I feel so bad and i don't want him to feel this way. Please help

 
Mrs.Ro

Asked by Mrs.Ro at 1:57 PM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,210 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Have you tried just telling him that you realize how wrong you have been to continually have rejected him, that you are sorry, and that you humbly as his forgiveness and that you promise to work really hard to keep it from ever happening again. I think he must be a very decent man to still be living with you. I know plenty of men who would have just left, so you could also add that you appreciate the fact that he is still with you in the light of how you have mistreated him. He has been wounded so many times that he doesn't want to risk it any more, and that's a very difficult place for anyone to be, man or woman. I think you may need to tell him every day for quite a while that you have messed up and that you are sorry and that you want to change. You might even be so brave as to ask him what it would take for him to be able to change his mind. But don't ask, if you aren't willing to do whatever it is he asks.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:02 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • thats marriage counseling territory right there. I'd get there quick. His reaction is totally normal btw
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 1:58 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Basically, you trained his response ... like you said, you rejected him so often that he's now come to expect it ... and he doesn't want to feel that again.
    It will take a lot of work to "re-train" ... a lot of reassurance and a lot of time. You'll probably be rejected a lot along the way.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 2:21 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Surprise him. Just jump his bones!
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:58 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • im with the first answer just start giving him some out of the blue and ya jump his bones!
    saadamarie

    Answer by saadamarie at 2:00 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Whether you were stupid and not thinking, or not ... you did train that response. He was taught that if he asked, he'd be rejected. I agree, it will take some work to teach something different.
    missingruth

    Answer by missingruth at 2:30 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I can't say that I blame him. I think that's a normal reaction. I agree with Zoeyis; I think you need marriage counseling.
    andrea96

    Answer by andrea96 at 2:00 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • is there a reason you rejected him for the last 2 years? Did he cheat or something?
    wildwiccan83

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 2:07 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • but we just got out of marriage counseling. I am not going back there! ugh... Isn't there someone on here i can talk to :)
    Mrs.Ro

    Comment by Mrs.Ro (original poster) at 1:59 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • so maybe if i start doing that more often. Hell just give up on holding back?
    Mrs.Ro

    Comment by Mrs.Ro (original poster) at 2:02 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

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