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2 Bumps

how is this my fault?

my Dh got into trouble for abuse at work, physical and verbal abuse(he works with mentally retarded) he blames me for it when i have nothin to do with anything at work. looking back at the past few weeks i honestly cant think of anything i did wrong to make him mad or to have problems at work. i have no control over how he acts or what he does at work.... sorry this is more of a vent but im hurt and frustrated and worried that if he gets fired we will end up on the streets cause i dont make enough to cover all the bills on my own


Asked by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • It's harder to look in the mirror when it comes to looking for a way to place blame. He needs to own up to the behavior he did. If he did it, man up to it. If he didn't do it, then fight it! It has nothing to do w/you! If this is characteristic of his behavior toward you, then you may need to reconsider your options. Good luck.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:11 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Mentally retarded is still an acceptable term, it refers to an actual diagnosis. This OP used the term properly, she did not misuse it by using it as a derogatory.
    As for his behavior, he owns that. Just as ANON owns her own behavior. No, wait ... she did not. She hid behind ANON, in order to attack you and call you names. Huh. Imagine that. behaving a lot like your husband is behaving.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 5:26 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • anon.... mentally retarded is a fine way to address them. you're the one looking like a a-hole. what would you prefer? mentally handicapped? challenged? special? they all mean the same thing and they're all very pc. it's people like you who use the word retarded out of context to mean other things that make it have a negative connotation. get a grip

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 5:26 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • OP, I think it's sad that a man who can't handle his own behaviors and own his own choices works with the mentally retarded population. I'm sorry he's being such a jerk, but I can't say that I'm sorry someone who is abusive is in trouble - I hope he pays serious consequences for choosing to be abusive to other people.

    Answer by caseyandkids at 5:31 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Mental Retardation is a medical diagnosis. It is still in use. It is still acceptable. Only though its misuse is it unacceptable. Teachers and schools don't use it, as they are not part of the medical community. They substitute PC terms that are more acceptable to families.

    The poster did nothing wrong - she used the term correctly. But I'm with Casey - your husband can't seem to handle himself, he shouldn't be a in a job that makes him a role model for a disabled population.

    Answer by snivic at 5:35 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Actually, the new "PC" term is developmentally disabled (not mentally handicapped). However, mentally retarded is a correct medical diagnosis.

    Answer by Gaccck at 5:28 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • OP used the term completely correctly.

    He's abusive to others - and others that are already challenged. He's abusive to you. What makes you think he won't be abusive to your children?

    You're worried that he'll lose his job for being abusive? Well, he should lose his job for being abusive. Maybe you should consider kicking him to the curb and making it on your own instead of relying on someone who mistreats you and mistreats others.

    Answer by justnancyb at 5:44 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Yes, it is still used. It is used on a daily basis. It is a MEDICAL TERM. It is correct. And this poster used it correctly.

    It only became un-politically-correct by it's misuse. (example - I would be incorrect if I used it as an insult, saying that her husband is acting retarded) To say that a person who has mental retardation is mentally retarded is using the term properly.

    Your husband shouldn't be working with vulnerable people if he's abusive. Your husband shouldn't be around people at all if he's abusive. You deserve better.

    Answer by findingharmony at 5:59 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • lol aliceinalgonac! thank you.... you took the words right out of my mouth!

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 5:27 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • i would be more worried about the fact that that he is abusive to the mentally retarded and abusive to YOU... (blaming someone in this completely illogical way is not erroneous thinking it's a form of abuse)

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:38 PM on Aug. 26, 2010