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Separated and living under the same roof! I'm in a very difficult situation!

I've been separated from my husband for almost 3 years now. But we are living under the same roof because of our bad economical situation and I am just scared to death to break free from this and make it on my own with 4 kids ages 10,8,7,4 yrs old. I have so many obstacles, like how do pay for rent, bills, I have no car! etc..I have never worked since high school, I have no work experience. I depend on his low income to make ends meet. And I am so tired of it. And he treats me like sh*t because of this. I also need to add that I have been seeing someone for the past 2 and a half years and now I just found out I'm pregnant by him!! I just need to know if someone could share some mature advice please without critisizing or bashing please! I am so depressed to be in this situation, I don't know what to do!!...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Imo you need to keep telling yourself you can do this and just throw on your big girl panties. Its time for you to move on cause do you really want to be raising this new baby in this type of environment.....It is and always will be scary to change surroundings but you have to.
    binder5

    Answer by binder5 at 6:01 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • file for assistance or if you can ssi for all of your kids and your self.
    amanda_23

    Answer by amanda_23 at 6:15 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Hmmmm........without bashing? I don't know what to say. You're pregnant with someone else's child while your husband has to pay for everything for you? Maybe in the last 3 years you should of found a job instead of finding another man.
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 6:44 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Can you & the kids move in w/ the new baby daddy? How about other family members? I started college w/ a 13 mos old and one on the way when their dad & I broke up. I was lucky to have my mom- she let us move in w/ her. My boys & I stayed w/ her while I finished college. Yes I did get some govt. asst., but soon after I graduated, I got a job, married a wonderful man a year later & finally got back out on my own. You CAN do it too!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:02 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • i have 3 kids ages 7 5 and 2 all 3 are special needs and one of them is mildly autistic. and i was a sahm up until july, im going back to school and will be graduating june '11, i tried finding a job but with being at home for 8 yrs i didnt get anything because of lack of work history. i borrowed student loans even though i get pell grants to cover my schooling, im saving back the student loans so i can move and file for divorce. the last thing on my mind was finding another guy, i dont have time to mess around when i have 3 kids. not to sound mean but agree with above poster, if you have time to get pregnant with another guy then you have time to find a job or go back to school. im taking 19 credit hrs this qrt and still take care of kids and the housework and am able to maintain a B average. its not easy trust me. sounds like U R lookin for an easy way out. if u dont like whr u r change it.
    gothmama91

    Answer by gothmama91 at 7:03 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • File for child support, and possibly alimony if he has been the provider for you and your entire fam. Go job hunting, dont be too picky. Have your hubby split custody with you so everything doesnt completely fall on you. And what about this new guy? Does he have a house? Does he want to move in with you? If so, move in together and split up the costs. You can definitely do it, its not impossible. GL to you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • You can do it. It sounds like you are so beat down by emotional abuse that you don't believe in yourself and have been talked into being and staying in a situation that is very bad for you. Don't believe his lies about you. There are a variety of organizations designed to help women who need to learn how to stand on their own two feet. In my area the county women's center has fantastic programs of all kinds for women. Call United Way ask for job placement assistance, counseling, women's shelters... a women's shelter probably has a great list of resources even if you don't need shelter. As for your pregnancy it is not clear what YOU think about it, what your current boyfriend thinks about it or if and how you will parent a child together... It sounds like you need some space away from the ex to think really clearly. Good luck!!
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:56 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • good luck hun
    regian19832002

    Answer by regian19832002 at 12:36 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • You need to apply for an apartment, for food stamps and other services that can help you. Then you need to GET OUT. You do not need to keep living like this.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 1:22 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • i have to agree with colethky. you have been separated for 3 years  and instead of looking for a job, going to school or trying to find a way to get your ish together, you decide to find a man sleep with him and get pregnant? just look at that and replay it back to yourself. why cant you move in with the new baby daddy? if he can have sex with you, he should be able to take care of you. you are about to have 4 kids, you REALLY need to get yourself together and come up with a plan, stop being dependent upon men and find a way to better yourself. this is so sad. im really not trying to bash, but this is the time you need to put your big girl panties and start making moves for yourself and your kids.

    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 5:29 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

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