Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my boyfriend is separated and has a 2 year old. I feel fine when he spends time with his son at a public place like Chucky-Cheeses since he also has to spend time with the mom because she doesn't let go of him...

But when it comes to the times where he insists on visiting his son at his ex's house, I don't feel comfortable with the idea. He says he wants to inter-act with his son in his room and play, watch movies etc...I know for a fact that his ex still insists on getting him back and I feel intimidated when he leaves to spend time at their house for a whole day! Am I being selfish and insecure?? or Am I the only one that sees the potential danger in this??? I know what she is capable of, she even confronted me once and said to me she will try anything to get him back.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Does the custody order say he his visits need to be supervised? If not, it does not matter that the mother 'will not let go of him' . If a custody order is not in place, he needs to file for one. That way he does not have to always be there with her.
    As for the situation as it is now. I know I would probably feel a bit uncomfortable, and feel the way you do.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:23 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Why can't he come and play at your house? Sounds fishy too me
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 6:23 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • You cant stop him from doing this but I do understand your issues with it. I would feel the vary same way.
    binder5

    Answer by binder5 at 6:24 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Separated as in he's still married?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 6:24 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I would step away from the whole relationship...
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 6:26 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Odd......If I was your BF I would file for visitation and if I already had it then I would insist on leaving her house. If she doesn't let him then she's in contempt of court. He will need to go back to court. Why is he allowing this? If he has a court order then he has every right to leave with his son.......staying there sounds kind of odd.
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 6:28 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I know it's normal to feel jealous or paranoid, especially in these situations (trust me, I get like that too!) BUT I think that this is his kid and therefore he has a responsibility. As hard as it is on you, the child's mother will always have to be in his life so you just need to decide whether you can trust him. If he loves you she could try to 'win him back' all she wanted and it would never work... Good luck!
    SarahBel

    Answer by SarahBel at 6:28 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I agree, I have no idea why he has agreed to this arrangement. Why doesn't he have visitation? Does he have a good lawyer? Why does the wife need to be present? It sounds like a giant mess, and if I were you, I'd steer clear of it, if they aren't even divorced yet it will be a very.very.very long time of drama before this works itself out. How long have you been with him?

    Trust me, I married a man with a child and he was already divorced for 3 years when I met him, it is now 12 years later and we are STILL dealing with ex-wife BS. You are in for a long hard road and you will ALWAYS come last in this equation, he will do whatever he has to in order to see his son, that means making HER happy, not you. I would seriously reconsider this situation. Tell him to call you after the divorce and custody agreement is in place.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 6:39 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Separated is NOT divorced ...
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 7:41 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Well, he's still married to her ... so it doesn't sound unusual that he'd spend time at their house.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 8:00 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.