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How do you move on when you lost a loved one?

My brother died almost 9 years ago when he was 20 almost 21, I was 25 and I think at times it is getting harder instead of easier to move on. I miss him so much and my kids remind me every day of him too. I HATE that I will never see him marry or have children of his own. I am now an only child and I don't know how to act most times around my parents (tension big time & every time) especially my dad. My husband is wonderful and has helped when he can. He had known my brother since my brother was 13 and he trys now to help, but he will never really understand how it feels. He is the baby of 3 brothers and also has 2 step brothers and 1 step sister. The basically large family he has makes me miss the connection I had with mine even though smaller. Any suggestions?

Almost Lonely,

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Asked by Debs2monsters at 10:17 PM on Jun. 18, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • My mom died 5 years ago this coming September. I still find myself thinking I need to call her and tell her what's going on with the kids. I have NEVER gotten past it, and the counselor I've recently started talking to says it can take YEARS to finally get past the death of a loved one, especially if you were really close to that person. It's the same advice over and over again: take one day at a time, find a private moment to cry if you need to, focus on the positive things in their lives, and if you have kids that will never know the person try and tell them about the person you've lost. It also helps with the healing process.

    You have my condolences for the loss of your brother.

    Tinandril (who has been there....and hasn't left that spot of not getting over it)

    Answer by tinandril at 10:43 PM on Jun. 18, 2008

  • I lost my brother 14 year ago(1994).He was 15 I was 6.I know I was young but I remember very well.I also feel that it is getting harder rather than easier.Maybe because we have time to think about how we will never see them again.And before our feelings and memories were in the way of the realization?I had another brother who was 8 at the time.And I now have a 7 year old sister and a 21 month old brother(my mom started all over). I babysit my siblings everyday and I have my 2 1/2 year old so I stay busy.I lost my Great Aunt in 1996 and My granny in 1997 and my Aunt Lee last year.It seems someone keeps passing every few lears.I dont think it ever gets easier.I used to "talk" to my family who had passed every night before I went to bed. I dont anymore because I get so upset and sad.I try not to think about them. I feel bad doing it but If I think about it all the time I would be too sad to be what I needed to be and do what I needed to do for my family.

    Answer by Tiger_Tatted at 10:53 PM on Jun. 18, 2008

  • you don't move on. You can only try to accept the loss. My brother dropped over at 40 with no warning. I am still trying to believe it and it happened over 5 years ago. I try to remember all of the good times and now that he is at peace. It brings me some comfort, but will never fill that hole in my heart. I try imagine him as a guardian angel to my little ones and that makes me smile. It has to be so hard to feel so alone. I am wondering if a memorial of some kind would help your mom and dad with mourning his loss. My brother loved to I have a bird bath with a little fisherman sun dial on it. It makes me feel that he is looking down from heaven and watching. Since it has been 9 years...a grief counselor may not be such a bad idea. For the whole family. I hope I offered some comfort. Take care of yourself.

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 11:25 PM on Jun. 18, 2008

  • I just lost my father 12/17/07 now my marriage is in a downward spiral and I am living with my mom. I am so greatful I am close with my mom she is helping me and I am helping her thats how I get through it. And zanax once and a while.

    Answer by natenally at 2:46 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I lost my younger brother 18 years ago and he was only 19, and I am a year older than him...upto now I still haven't really gone over losing him, life was never the same, there will always be a part of me that is missing that nobody else can fill...our family will never be complete again.
    Last year, Jan 7, 2007 I lost my eldest sister to cancer. She's my bestfriend. Only a year older than me and we have been very close ... she was married and had 8 children and got separated 3 years before she passed away. The only thing that comforts me is knowing that now my sister is finally FREE. Yes, she is now FREE. NO MORE PAIN and SUFFERING.
    Whenever I feel lonely and miss my siblings, I just think about the happy moments we shared together and I always send them a prayer to look after us who are still here...knowing that someday when my time is up, we will see each other again...

    Answer by yeye615 at 3:02 PM on Sep. 16, 2008

  • My brother died from a heroin overdose almost 4 years ago, we were 1 year apart (he was younger), and we were best friends growing up, until that happened. I still get so sad about it, and miss him all the time, dont know if I will ever feel better about it :(

    Answer by Candice369 at 8:23 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

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