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What would you do if your younger brother was smoking pot and coming home with hickies?

My youngest brother (8th grade) told my sister's boyfriend that he has been smoking pot, and she saw a hicky on his neck. The big sister (I'm the oldest) in me wants to sit him down and have a serious, candid talk with him about drugs and sex...and NOT tell our mom. The mom in me feels that I would want to know if it were my son. However, my mom is VERY conservative and doesn't really know what she's talking about when it comes to these topics, I'm afraid that if she knew and freaked out on him he wouldn't take it seriously and would rebel further then he already is....so wwyd?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Aug. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Talk to your brother. You will probably get through better than your mom.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 10:27 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I honestly would just have a talk with him. It sounds like your mom would push him further into rebellion. I'd tell him that he can talk to you about anything and gain his trust by not running and telling on him. He just might tell you more and if it gets to the point where he is doing anything that you are seriously worried about then you can nip that in the bud.
    onemellowmom

    Answer by onemellowmom at 10:29 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I think you should follow you're instincts and try to deal with him yourself.... if all else fails you can can always go to mom
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:34 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Tell him to pass the doobey and give him some condoms......JUST KIDDING!! lol. I agree with the other moms, it'd probably be best to sit down with him yourself and talk to him about your concerns. If you tell your mother then he wont open up to you because he wont trust you. It might be hard to not tell your mom but it might be best to not say anything. I hope this helps because I'm not the best with "family issues" because my family is horribly fucked up and I don't talk to any of them...lol.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 10:53 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • I would have a little Chat with him myself- i think most Little Brothers look up to their Big Sister's & he might make a few changes if he knows that you cut him a break by not talking to your Mom first- Good Luck!
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 11:04 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • i would talk to him and see if it seems like it will make a difference. find out what's REALLY going on... if he is admitting to someone that he is using drugs it sounds like he is searching for limits in reality or asking for help... sometimes overly conservative parents neglect to give their kids the real guidance they need in the touchy areas, leaving the kids in a bad spot (of course not on purpose...). it might be hard for you to provide this guidance since he doesn't have to obey you and you cannot affect his privileges. as a parent i would want to know and have the right to know what happens with my child. and your mom might surprise you by not freaking out - many parents are very realistic when they have to face these things rather than lost souls - raising children will make you strong no matter what - besides freaking out may be called for??
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:26 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • i would talk with him but i wouldn't leave your mother out of it. i would find out why he's doing it and tell him that he needs to tell your mom himself. after all if he wants to do those things and there are consequences for them then he should be expected to take the punishment. you can't get help for you brother with counseling or drug abuse help. so she really needs to know. i would be very upset if my daughter knew of my sons drug or sex activities. you could really loose your mothers trust and your brother would most likely just clam up more and hide it from you. by him telling her then no one is at fault for his actions but himself. i would also suggest that you would be there for support when he tells her and help see a better way of handling this like maybe your brother and you set a course on how he is going to stop. if you mother saw he wanted to stop and had a plan to stop i don't think she would cause more harm.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:56 PM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Obviously, you really care about your brother or you wouldn't be so concerned. He's lucky to have a sister like you. I would try to talk to him about what he is doing. Does he listen to you? If all else fails, you will have to tell your mother. It's sad that you have to deal with this and I hope things work out for you.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:00 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • talk to him
    regian19832002

    Answer by regian19832002 at 12:29 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Hickeys should be hidden. That is just polite, no one wants to look at that. The weed is a bit different. Chances are that if he is in 8th grade & smoke, then his friends are into it. Peer pressure is very at that age. Let him know what you have seen and heard. Then ask, just ask whatever comes to mind, why who where, not to much to put unneeded pressure but enough to get him to open up and then listen.
    Right or wrong, my dad once told me that as long as my grades are good and I'm not getting into trouble he doesn't care if I smoke weed, but it is illegal and if you can't handle the first 2 then you can't handle the third. I had been getting into trouble at the time and because he was real with me & not a hypocrite, just an adult telling me how the world works I listened. I am know a grown, responsible person and how he handled that situation has made all the difference, my respect grew not my rebellious nature.
    EyeofOdin

    Answer by EyeofOdin at 12:53 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

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