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My husband doesn't except my 21 year old daughters boyfriend.

My daughter is dating a black man who is around her same age. He is very nice and treats her very well. My husband cannot accept her decision to date him and now she has moved out. She will not come to the house and my husband says that she is welcome but the boyfriend is not. This whole situation is tearing me apart because I love my husband but I also love my daughter and i want to have a relationship with her. My two other adult children are also being affected by this because they are siding with their sister. This whole thing is affecting our marriage and my husband just acts as though he doesn't care that the kids aren't speaking to him. When I try to talk to him about it it ends up in an argument. Now the holidays are coming and I don't know what i am going to do.

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Asked by timberlake at 6:50 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • That really sucks. You need to tell him point blank. "Swallow your prejudece, or tear apart the family. Which is more important to you? To uphold your prejudice, or to uphold your family?"

    If he refused to be civil with htis guy, then you know what i would do? Since HE is the one messing everything up, i would hold holiday at one of your DD's houses & not invite your DH. This will show him FOR REAL how his prejudice beliefs are ruining the family. If he is the one who is going to be a dick, he is the one who needs to be seperated form family functions, not your children. My dad was kind of the same way. BUT, at least he would talk smack behind closed doors. When my old boyfriend was around, he was very kind to him & made him feel at home. But as soon as he left, father would bitch at me saying rude things like "Is it true darling, once you go black you never go back?" He was trying to be funny, but i HATED IT!

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:01 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • That sounds awful.. But it kind of reminds me of What I am going through at the moment. The sane situation and it is hard, If he doesnt change his ways and you cant get through to him, invite your daughter and her boyfriend over for the holidays anyway, he will get over it eventually

    Answer by mamaof3kiddoz at 7:06 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • thats his problem, really. He may have to live with this person the rest of his life. My MILs HATE me, but I'm here and rather than life with me and try to accept, they'd rather go to there graves hating me. Whatever, its not changing my DH's mind so its kinda pointless and no one even cares, so makes em look kinda stupid in addition.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:23 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Wow, no offense, jut your husband is acting like a complete jackass.

    Your poor daughter. Support her. Holidays? Celebrate them with your kids, not your husband. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I hope he comes around.

    Answer by Courtney610 at 7:40 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • bump

    Answer by san78 at 12:24 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I think you need to stand up to your DH and show him that this is very important to you. Of course you want to maintain a healthy, happy relationship with your DD and, if that involves being pleasant to her current BF (as long as he treats her well, which you said he does) then that is fair enough. If I still won't accept it perhaps make a stand and go and visit them for a while alone. Take a stand and show your DH that you're serious.

    Answer by SarahBel at 4:43 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • The color of love. Have you ever seen that movie? It aired on lifetime. My nieces are biracial, and we all accept them. However; their mom is white, and her parents don't want biracial kids in the family. Your husband may be sat in his old prejudice ways. There may not be much you can do about it, but you stand your ground, and keep in contact with your child. Be there for her, and let your husband know that he needs to grow up and stop being so selfish. This is not about him. It has nothing to do with him. This is who your daughter chose to love and care for. Once again, you keep giving her your love and support. Do not allow your husband to alienate you from your daughter all because of his ignorance, and good luck.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:20 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • it took my mother 85 years to love all her daughter -in laws and son in-laws and the ones that where hurt was herself .my dad was close to all family members your hubby should be happy for his daughter for finding a man who love her very much that is rare find .there are men out there that would beat his daughter .don't forget the house is yours as well so let her come in with her boyfriend and if he does like it he go out side or other part of the house

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 11:29 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • What does except mean? Or did you mean that your husband won't accept the daughter's boyfriend? Either way, your husband is a douche and will completely ruin his relationship with his daughter, because it sounds like since she's already moved out she's going to do whatever she wants and he can't do anything but continue to be a douche.

    Answer by BrookyHBK_Y2J at 10:23 PM on Aug. 29, 2010

  • It's an awful situation. the whole family accepts the BF but your husband. A bigot... It will create a lot of future problems... You should really talk to him, tell him to come to his senses. Get a grip. Wake up. Whatever. Take a look at what he's doing to your family.


    Answer by mp3mom at 2:38 AM on Sep. 30, 2010

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