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step parents

My friend thinks that if you divorce or your spouse dies you should wait to date or remarry because "step parents wont love or treat you child as their own and the rate of abuse goes up when you introduce a non bio parent into the family" I find this CRAZY! I don't have a step parent but my mom was one and I know Bio parents that abuse their kids, I don't know why she thinks this either since she doesn't have any steps either. Anyway, what do you think?

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BusyBeesmom

Asked by BusyBeesmom at 8:40 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 12 (690 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Sounds like she is speaking from ignorance. Did she just get done watching "The Stepfather"?

    Maybe she needs to do some research on the subject before spouting off crap.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:42 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I think that is completely ignorant! I was raised by my Mom and my StepDad. Without my stepdad, I would never have had a consistent male role model in my life. He still to this day, thinks of me as his own child. I would like to see someone tell my Daddy that he is not my "real" dad.
    There is much more involved in parenting than having genes in common. I guess your friend would be of the opinion that adoptive parents can't love their children as they should either. I know this is your friend, but honestly, I call bullshit! And would not want to be friends with someone with those views!
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:48 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • It depends on what kind of man you get. You could end up with ones that just wants you and have nothing to do with your kids. Or you could have one that after you have a child by them,treat their child better than your other kids. Like I said just depends on that individual.Oh when I said just want you they just put up with the child but they really don't want too.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 8:57 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • That's ridiculous. Your friend has no clue about being a parent or step-parent. There are absolutely NO statistics that will back up her claim of abuse rates going up.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:12 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • My husband and I were both married before and had kids so we're both step parents and my exhusband also remarried so we have step parents left and right! It's awesome though, our kids have so much love and so many people guiding them and taking care of them. They get many different points of views and really have a lot of fun. I think when introducing a new person into the kid's lives you should take it slow and let the kids and adult warm up to each other. It usually won't be family love at first site, but things often settle in for the better.
    Cassarah

    Answer by Cassarah at 9:17 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • My step parents that I had growing up were absolute nightmares. I am a step parent now though, and I love and care for my dsd no differently than my own flesh and blood dd. It depends on the type of person that is becoming a step parent.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 11:10 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Honestly it all depends on the person. In my experience, a step parent that is abusive of neglectful of their spouses children, will do the same with their own children.
    shewolf13

    Answer by shewolf13 at 2:20 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I can see why she might think that, probably because of a few bad examples she knows of. It is really up to the biological parent to make sure that none of these things happen. When you remarry and already have children you should not only be thinking of yourself, but also your children. I, myself, would not even consider getting married again until my children have a pretty good relationship with the man in question. If my kids and my boyfriend didn't seem to connect I would keep the relationship at a stand-still until the kids left my home to start their own lives. That's just my preference...I wouldn't want to make our living situation awful just so that I could get married.
    NaturalMomma219

    Answer by NaturalMomma219 at 5:05 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • my dad died when I was young she had 3 kids
    my mom married a single dad with 3 kids
    he abused one of hers and 3 of his leaving 3 of us alone
    abusers do pick their targets and it does not matter who it is or who it is not
    Abuse is about control....that is it
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:06 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

  • So not true. My husband treats my boys like their his own and was a dad to them when their own father wasn't.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 1:01 AM on Aug. 28, 2010

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