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New boyfriend...

I've been split up with my daughter's father since April, and mid june, i started to see a new guy, my daughter has always been weary of men , she doesn't know. but she did very well with him at first, she spent the last week with her father up at his farm, and since then, hasnt let my new boyfriend pick her up, or play with her, she will get very nervous and cry 'mommy'....she is 17 months old, there's nothing strange going on, as i am always right there when the two are together...i'm just wondering if this is the 'jealousy', the doctor told me babies her age begin to display, or if she truly is afraid of ryan? anybody know how i can ease her into a feeling of safety....
ryan does tend to talk louder in general, but he isn't violent, mean and doesn't yell at her....

any suggestions would be great, thank you!


Asked by Cowbell88 at 10:18 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 14 (1,793 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My daughter had a hard time when her father came home from Iraq when she was 16 months old. She only wanted me and didn't want anything to do with him. I don't think it was good for her that I took her from him everytime she cried but, that is water under the bridge now. Obviously, I could not tell him if our daughter didn't warm up to him, I would leave. Even after 4 years and two more daughters, Gabby has gotten A LOT closer to him but, still isn't close as the close as the rest of the kids, including my bio-son that was 2 when we got together. The rest of the children think Daddy hung the moon though. She will warm up to him don't think about leaving because it could take a long time for her to warm up to him.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:44 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Just let it be her decision to go to him. Tell him to keep talking to her and involving her in the conversation but ultimately it has to be her choice.

    do you think that your ex said something to her?

    One thing to think about...if she never comes around to liking him again...what are you going to do?
    With my SO, that was my biggest worry. To me if DD didn't like him, he was out. I had already told him that because she is my main responsibility and if she wasn't happy, then we couldn't be together.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:23 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Dont push her it will only make things worse....let her come around on her own and in her own way. when they are together just keep it friendly....he needs to give her space but still be kind when she is near. Also think maybe dad might be in her other ear? might be something your going to have to deal with ....with this guy or any other.

    Answer by Finkette at 10:21 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • She just needs to adjust. Its different. She's use to "Daddy" & she needs time to adjust to the new guy

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 10:21 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • cos she is only 17 months, i'd hate to believe her dad is giving her second thoughts, but i'm thinking maybe the long week she had with her dad, confused her?

    Comment by Cowbell88 (original poster) at 10:23 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • jademom,
    i have to think about her and i, over him, i really like him, he's like my knight in shining armor to say, but i can't force my little girl around somebody she isn't going to like, he also has a son, i haven't met yet, he is 4 yrs old, and the same goes on me, if the little boy for some reason doesn't like me, i'm sure i'll be walking. :-/

    Comment by Cowbell88 (original poster) at 10:25 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Definitely don't push this. All babies go through some form of it. You being worried and watching for signs of change is going to make her more tense and resistant. Just relax...everything will be fine. Your child is normal! ;-)

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 10:26 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • jawqa,
    thanks, i appreciate the reassurance, i think it's all just a confusion about 'two daddies doesn't make sense', and i suspect she is smarter than one thinks, and she understands the whole 'breakup' thing.

    Comment by Cowbell88 (original poster) at 10:28 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • another thing that baffles me, is for 2 months, she seemed to do fine, a few cries here and there, but she'd let him play with her, help her walk, give her cookies and now she won't let him even come near her without getting anxiety or crying for me, even when i'm standing right there.

    Comment by Cowbell88 (original poster) at 10:31 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • My son had a VERY hard time when my boyfriend came around it had just been us for three years and his dad kept telling him we will get back together. So he was very hurt and confused and thinking I was trying to replace something or even move on from him and he was 6 at the time. Seriously just give it time she will warm up to him. My son LOVES my boyfriend and calls him his step-dad. It was so bad when he was 6 he told him he never wanted to see him again and made up all kind of things. Just breathe momma things are still new and with everything you teach your children it takes time. And trust is definately one of them.

    Answer by StefInfection at 10:32 AM on Aug. 27, 2010