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Idk what to do...

Ive been married for 4 years, we have children. he is controlling, and just mean. Ive realized that i cant change him. He doesnt let me go out with any friends, although he goes and does stuff when he wants to. It use to be worse, he use to stay gone all the time. I just dont know what to do , I have mixed feelings. On one hand i dont think i can live like this forever...but i dont even know where to start telling him that im feeling this way. I pretend everyting is ok, for our family. but the truth is im sick of being treated like this. We have had problems in the past, and i have left but i always go back to him. It gets harder every time. He tells me he loves me and all this all the time, but i dont think im in love with him anymore..idk what to do...any advice ? Im stressed all the time, to the point i just cry..from the kids always fighting and me never getting a break.. Help!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • This doesn't sound like a good situation for either you or your children. And your hubby is not treating you well at all, you need to be able to tell him how you are feeling. Try explaining calmly that you are feeling a little repressed or even controlled and that this isn't going to work for you in the long run. You need to feel equal in your relationship and feel appreciated. If you are DONE with it and ready to go then just tell him that. But if you're interested in working it out then you need to openly tell him how you feel and what needs to change to make this a good situation again. If he isn't willing to work on the way he is treating you then it's time to go. If he really loved you he would make an effort to keep you. Good luck.
    mrspierce06

    Answer by mrspierce06 at 10:32 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Im just gonna say you need to do what you think is right for you and your children. You don't need to be in a situation where you will lose your sanity life is to short for that.
    megclark22

    Answer by megclark22 at 10:33 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I went through this with my husband as well. It was years of this (we've been together for 20 years) and while in the beginning I just didn't take notice (see the red flags) because I was so "in love" with him. About 9 years into our marrige (we dated for 7) I started to get really depressed (didn't know why at the time), attempting to escape by drinking all the time, finally started going out all the time (never asked just went), from there things became even worse I'd imagine that he would die and I'd be rid of him. I went to counseling as I worked through what I felt was my issue because I didn't "love" him anymore, I finally left. I left for 8 months and we tried couples counseling and after about 5 months of that, the counselor said you too need to get divorced we were killing each other and she couldn't help us because he refused to make any changes. After that he finally stepped up and went to counseling on his own
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:34 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Think of your kids...do you want your boys to grow up like him? Do you want your girls to be in a relationship like you have? Lead by example. If you want better, show your kids that there is a different way of life. One where you are happy and treated right.

    And as for love...it's not a word, it's an action. You can tell someone you love them all day every day, but if you don't back it up, it's just an empty word that means nothing.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:34 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I agree. MAybe even find something you really want to do JUST you and present it to him. Be like look I really want to take this class on quilting(or Whatever) and give him the specifics and say I need to do this for me which will in turn help us be closer because I wont feel like I've lost touch with myself and the rest of the world so I'll be happier and able to deal with things around here better.
    StefInfection

    Answer by StefInfection at 10:36 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • cont...it wasn't until he started getting help for himself that he responsible he did have responsibility it what happened between us, why I was feeling the way I was feeling...the taking, the begging, the pleading, the yelling to get him to realize what I was going through never helped anything. He just didn't think he was doing anything wrong and it was all me, and that is what started the depression, the giving up. I'm a huge advocate of counseling, at least to determine the root issues to be able to begin to solve them within ourselves, and a couples counselor can provide you with unbiased opinions and help you work together...either through the issues to save the marriage, or like mine to start working towards seperation and continue to communicate. While my husband and I attempting to try 1 more time, without her help we never would have gotten to this place. I understand how you're feeling, good luck.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:37 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I'm in a similar situation...not exactly the same but a lot of similarities...i keep thinking to myself, if someone was treating my child like this what would i tell them to do if they came to me for help....whatever your answer is to them, should be your own....set an example for them to follow! i think i'm leaving...i'm scared shitless about the future but i don't want my daughters to think that this is how a man sould treat them. good luck...i'm here if you need to talk!
    mommafugate

    Answer by mommafugate at 10:42 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • He's controlling to the point of forcing you to be housebound.
    You're stressed to the point of continuously crying.
    You don't love him anymore.

    Sweetie, you answered this yourself and you know what to do. You don't have to talk this out with him, I think that you just need to get yourself and the kids out. Go to family's house or a friend's house. This will only get worse as he becomes more controlling and possibly even start to become physically violent. You don't want to wait this out, you need to get out now.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:11 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I step back in my life and ask myself what do I want in my life and I go for it.. I have for 11 years now. DH and I have been married for 9 wonderful years, are now adoptng a 13 year old. You have controll over your life. If someone takes that from you, you can get it back. Its yours! figure out what you want in your life and what you want in your childrens life. You will know what to do then.
    I wish you the best
    LadyBug.Love

    Answer by LadyBug.Love at 12:21 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • My husband and i also have been married for 4 years. We also have two little boys. We have had our ups and downs as most married couples do. My husband is hispanic and we were raised completely diffrent. LOTS of fights over "you should stay home instead" or "get off the phone already" even "what have you done all day" I realized we were having a hard time understanding eachother and were still trying to figure out how to live with eachother. I sat down with him and basically just told him how i felt. I told him i was questioning divorce and if that was a route that he wanted to take then maybe we should look into it. Why be in a marriage that your not happy with right? He told me thats the last thing he wants and that he would work on the things that bothered me because he loved me too much to lose me and i would also be working on the things that bothered him. We basically met eachother in the middle. Do what you feel isright
    Proudparent707

    Answer by Proudparent707 at 12:59 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

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