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should i leave my husband or try to work it out for the kids sake?

My husband and i own our own business...long story short he doesn't spend any quality time with our children and because of all the stress from work he often snaps at myself and our children(2 1/2yrs. and 2mo.) and takes it out on us. we have very different views on disciplining and i'm afraid he will mentally scar our daughters from all the stupid outbursts...ex: my 2yr old one day asked a customer in our store if he was her daddy, my husband for some reason took offense and told her he wasn't her daddy anymore..WTF!! and he constantly tells my 2mo. old to come on and knock it off anytime she cries. he always puts work before me and the kids...he tries to say he's not putting it before us he's doing it for us...HELP!

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • leave him

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:36 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Is he willing to work it out? I would suggest counsiling. If he isn't committed to fixing it or even admitting that there's a problem, you won't be able to fix it.

    He has to be part of fixing the issue and he has to ADMIT that there is a problem. You cannot be the only one to work on it.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:37 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • It takes two to keep a relationship working, if he isn't will to put in the effort to modify behavior after talking through how you feel, the next step I think would be couples counseling...however unless he's willing to see how is responsible for a piece of the relationship and what is needed to keep it working, then things will not change. You can't change a person, but I feel if they do love you they are willing to work hard to give us what we need when.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:40 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Ive learned you cant change anyone, no matter how much you try and want to. I am not a great person to be giving advice, i have soo many problems myself. but i can say, since I've been a member of cafe-mom ...and read questions and answers...staying just for the kids is not the right idea..although it seems that way to us while we are in the situation..its really not. Good luck momma :) *hugs*


    Answer by Brittney20 at 10:42 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Quick to jump up and divorce the guy huh?

    Maybe he needs anti-depressants or Xanax or something. Maybe he needs a vacation. Maybe you (both) need to put a little effort into working out your marital issues before you run away.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:44 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I agree with "PurpleButterfly" You both have to work at as a team, and if at all possible find some alone time to talk about how you are feeling and about the things that he tells your girls; how much it will affect them as they grow up. One thing that will help is to start reconding his attituded vith video or just audio and when he hears or sees himself he will see the harm he is doing. Also if his parents acted that same way with him you can remind him of his childhood and ask him how that affected him/how it made him feel to be talk down to like that. When you bring it up try not to say "YOU" to many times because he would feel attack, start by complimenting him on the sucess and great job he has done and than continue with do you remember your child hood, what was there about your childhood that you think should have been different? (take mental notes about important points) than you can say" I don't know if you notice"

    Answer by Nancygray2 at 10:49 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • My husband was like that. He was not willing to change things to make the situation better. Divorcing him was the best thing I could ever done. Good luck

    Answer by missthang42001 at 10:53 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • i have issues in our relationship
    we have gone to counselor, maybe it will work out, maybe it will not
    we are trying
    AND... it took three times of me asking him to go before he agreed

    you have to try a bit harder before even considering divorce

    and remember you may have to ask more than once for him to go to counselor, if he does not go-go yourself

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:53 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Im kind of having the same problem my fiance and I own a business and because he is stressed over money and customers, he offend ignores me and snaps at the kids for the smallest thing and now they are at the age were they wont listen and that isnt helping. Ive talked to him and hes changed but now hes going bk to the same thing again

    Answer by HuntingMama88 at 10:59 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • He told your two year old "I'm not your daddy anymore?" How horrific! That is about the worst thing you can say to a child.
    What I will say is this .. NEVER EVER stay with someone souly because of children together. The relationship between you and him is only between you and him. Whatever doesn't work to fix it, or does work to fix it is only because of you two. Not the kids in any manner.

    It sounds like the family business is getting the best of your husband. His behavior is not acceptable at all, regardless of the situation, and really should be changed immediately. So if you do decide to leave him make it about the relationship. Yes, how your kids are treated does have a factor, but leaving him is between you and him.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:03 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

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