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Should I be offended by these comments?

Whenever my SO and I are 'talking' about an issue, he will start to make the comments below and i get upset and our talk turns into an argument. I just want to know if maybe i'm being to sensative to them or if he really is just being a jerk? I actually am VERY careful about what i say because I try to not offend him and start a fight...

- Not everything works around your schedule
- Our relationship is better but its not great
- You act like a battered woman
- Things were fine and now youve ruined the day
- I'm sick of your shit
- All you ever do is try to pick fights with me

He does say better things too, but he will say these stupis things in the middle of it and it just really ticks me off. I have asked him to stop many times but he always makes excuses on why he had a right to say it... Am I being overly sensative?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Aug. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Sounds like he's trying to deflect the issue back on to you...my husband use to this...it drove me crazy...it didn't matter how much I asked him to stop or tried to get him to understand the issue at hand - it was always on me...it was annoying to me more than anything and I would get totally pissed and the conversation would escalate into an argument. He still does it sometimes even with the counseling he's getting, but its been better.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:13 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Well, let's see ..
    - Not everything works around your schedule - TRUE, right? or certainly should be
    - Our relationship is better but its not great - might be TRUE, and tells you how he feels
    - You act like a battered woman - very inappropriate of him Blame statement and judgment)
    - Things were fine and now youve ruined the day - also very inappropriate of him (blame statement)
    - I'm sick of your shit - really? That's an "I" statement - tells you how he feels - aside from profanity, nothing wrong with it
    - All you ever do is try to pick fights with me - and again, very inappropriate (blame statement)

    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 11:14 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • It is hard to know... since arguements are two way streets. However, I do see a pattern in his comments that seems like you might want to stop, listen and hear what he is saying before you take it so personally.

    It seems to me that several of these comments are telling you that he feels picked on and like he cannot make you happy. Think about some things... Are you nit picking him? Are you picking a fight? Are you making a big deal about things you could let go? Are you acting like you are virtuous and he is always wrong?

    Sometimes relationships are not about who's right and who's wrong... it is about getting along, forgiveness and letting the person relax and be themselves around you. You can't just ride someone's A$$ all the time... you need to give them space to be themselves.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 11:17 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Sounds like how my dh used to be as well. What worked for me was I stopped talking to him about important things and I kept a journal to vent in. I didn't expect him to read it, but he did. I went a while not knowing that he had read it, but I noticed changes in him for the better. When he was in training getting ready for his deployment, he bought me a new journal. He said that it was for a fresh start, and that was when he told me he read it. He said that he didn't realize how bad he was making me feel until he read my journal. Sometimes they just need another way of seeing what they are doing because when tension is high, they tune us out. I hope things get better for you soon
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 11:26 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I think you are probably being a bit sensitive about the first 2. But the others, he's picking a fight with. I think they are out of line, and he's taking unnecessary stabs at you with them. Although, IDK if you do that, too. I was told by a therapist that I don't fight fair, so maybe you don't either. But, those definatly are NOT fighting fair phrases!
    Do you act like a battered woman? Were you a battered woman? And does he make you feel like one? I mean, he could just be saying that because he's an ass, and feels like he's in a corner. Maybe when he said it, you were totally right in the argument, and he couldn't stand it, so he lashed out because he's, just an immature jerk. Ya know? But at the same time, you could be dramatic (IDK, I'm not there, I'm def not assuming this, not with the other comments). Man, this is gonna be long. Anywho, wait, maybe he IS overdoing it with the first 2, too. I'm gonna have to cont...
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 11:29 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • Ok. Things were fine and now you've ruined the day. Really? He sure put a ton of power in your hands, right? I'm sick of your shit. Are you sick of his shit? Cause, I get sick of my hubby's shit from time to time, but IDK, it depends on what the argument is I guess. That's kind of a fall back statement, like when someone's not getting their way. With all these statements, all YOU do is try to pick fights? I think he does his fair share.
    Again, IDK if you fight fair, either. He doesn't. And you may not think that you CAN fight fair, but you can. Well, it can be done. I don't think I have really learned how to yet.
    We used to say things like that, we don't do it as much now because it gets us nowhere fast. "I" and "ME" statements don't work. Just like 'always' and 'never' statements. Maybe ask him just how he'd like for you to talk, act, whatnot. What would make him happy, and tell him what would make you happy. Compromise.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 11:36 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • sounds like he is trying to get little digs in to make you mad - to say you were teh one who gets mad... why dont you give him a taste of hims own meds and be sure the kids cant hear it but give it back to him -- tell him if you can dish it out - you better be able to take it too... sounds like you need to be a smart ass back to him. because he seems to deserve it - if can do it why not you.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 11:44 AM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • turning it all around on you.. I would agree with him on it.. and give good reason for it.
    Not everything works around your schedule.. it needs to..
    - Our relationship is better but its not great.. I agree its not great, I have seen worse but its not great
    - You act like a battered woman.. I feel like a battered woman
    - Things were fine and now youve ruined the day.. well thats my job and I am good at what I do.. my job is done here
    - I'm sick of your shit.. yeah well I have been sick of you shit for years, but you don't hear me bitching about it like a little baby
    - All you ever do is try to pick fights with me.. I am not trying, I am picking a fight and its working! because it seems I have nothing else better to do with my time than pick fights with you.


    LadyBug.Love

    Answer by LadyBug.Love at 12:08 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • I had a husband like that....HAD...his biggest line was, "Shut the f*** up, I ain't trying to hear you right now." Then one time he even said, "I don't get paid to hear you b****, that's your bosses job, go talk to him." ....well, well, well, EX-husband, who do ya think I'm living with now???
    8 years of that crap...you couldn't pay me enough to go back there...I don't care if you really are a B****, or if you aren't...there are better ways to spend your days, and better people to spend them with. RUN!
    niknik78

    Answer by niknik78 at 1:12 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • alot of those things sound like things i say to my husband sometimes when i lose my temper with his bullshit. he speaks without thinking and can act very selfish and self centered and immature. he is a drama queen. he overreacts to things, makes assumptions that cause problems, etc. none of what your man is saying sounds abusive and although he could probably find better ways to express what he's feeling, it sounds lke you might need to take a real honest look at yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

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